Texts From Last Night

Phil_McCracken's Favorites Texts:

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  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3628) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.

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  (240): Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird. (434): Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/td3o
  Replies (12) Good night (3275) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

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  (702): The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever. http://tfl.nu/lrkg
  Replies (7) Good night (2087) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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  (516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u
  Replies (47) Good night (1973) Bad night (4345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I want to kish your cheek

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My cheeks are in Michigan

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

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  (301): I want to kish your cheek (248): My cheeks are in Michigan (301): Oh my lips are kind of stretchy http://tfl.nu/4fba
  Replies (4) Good night (1801) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1294) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.

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  (440): I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot. http://tfl.nu/w3xr
  Replies (14) Good night (709) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt