Texts From Last Night

MarcCMcC's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128189) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (232) Good night (61997) Bad night (2130)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52070) Bad night (5861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (76) Good night (49379) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49054) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48993) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (199) Good night (42702) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (41914) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39830) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (116) Good night (37594) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36355) Bad night (2651)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32301) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30382) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29418) Bad night (4462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27094) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25289) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24672) Bad night (2676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24327) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24303) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24104) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (23240) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20430) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (19370) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18691) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (61) Good night (18550) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (18483) Bad night (1736)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18054) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9
  Replies (38) Good night (17987) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
  Replies (41) Good night (17440) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17199) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (16830) Bad night (2262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (16752) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16719) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16674) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (48) Good night (16511) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15947) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15812) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (15742) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15094) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15026) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h
  Replies (43) Good night (14960) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (445): We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off http://tfl.nu/9bxu
  Replies (53) Good night (14920) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14396) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13970) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13860) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties. http://tfl.nu/jpbi
  Replies (25) Good night (12417) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n
  Replies (29) Good night (12257) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12123) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11780) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (11700) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (11554) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11521) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo
  Replies (30) Good night (11485) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11467) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11389) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11381) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads http://tfl.nu/gove
  Replies (40) Good night (11288) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun. http://tfl.nu/3gwj
  Replies (38) Good night (11268) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11149) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10910) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10892) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (10879) Bad night (1813)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10803) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b
  Replies (59) Good night (10580) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (10533) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10321) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10244) Bad night (2115)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair? http://tfl.nu/daid
  Replies (30) Good night (10228) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10161) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
  Replies (16) Good night (10095) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle
  Replies (20) Good night (10039) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10036) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl
  Replies (51) Good night (9946) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (9928) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (9857) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9836) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (9785) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (9773) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9738) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (9702) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (9692) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1
  Replies (34) Good night (9664) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (9652) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs http://tfl.nu/sqwd
  Replies (32) Good night (9599) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
  Replies (33) Good night (9560) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9446) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9413) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9317) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9309) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9300) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (33) Good night (9280) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (9241) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o
  Replies (38) Good night (9126) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9123) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9094) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9083) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9046) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9034) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9028) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (8941) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (20) Good night (8901) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (8894) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (81) Good night (8890) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (8860) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (8617) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet http://tfl.nu/5wz6
  Replies (12) Good night (8601) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it. http://tfl.nu/l5ke
  Replies (29) Good night (8554) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now http://tfl.nu/tgtb
  Replies (27) Good night (8551) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
  Replies (22) Good night (8528) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated. http://tfl.nu/km5l
  Replies (27) Good night (8504) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8502) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8415) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem http://tfl.nu/l5fk
  Replies (50) Good night (8410) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8374) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8370) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8284) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8275) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (52) Good night (8259) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8216) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (51) Good night (8196) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  May God have mercy on my new vibrator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): May God have mercy on my new vibrator. http://tfl.nu/qino
  Replies (98) Good night (8196) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8170) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude. http://tfl.nu/5t8b
  Replies (31) Good night (8144) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8140) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8103) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus http://tfl.nu/ioq2
  Replies (26) Good night (8094) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (103) Good night (8034) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy. http://tfl.nu/6xxv
  Replies (25) Good night (8019) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  my text book just quoted the cookie monster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): my text book just quoted the cookie monster http://tfl.nu/5m8t
  Replies (24) Good night (8012) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid http://tfl.nu/fpm2
  Replies (26) Good night (7984) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (37) Good night (7978) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz
  Replies (21) Good night (7964) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out. http://tfl.nu/i2ji
  Replies (18) Good night (7913) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (7899) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
  Replies (22) Good night (7856) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i
  Replies (21) Good night (7844) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (7833) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (7831) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (7820) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College." http://tfl.nu/3hlg
  Replies (11) Good night (7790) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (32) Good night (7787) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7783) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (7777) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (7771) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7741) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  found the other keg... it's in the tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): found the other keg... it's in the tree http://tfl.nu/nyfo
  Replies (15) Good night (7728) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (28) Good night (7644) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7629) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
  Replies (90) Good night (7627) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/jyp5
  Replies (14) Good night (7616) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7606) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7602) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7600) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (15) Good night (7543) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (7531) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7482) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis". http://tfl.nu/fly1
  Replies (39) Good night (7482) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7473) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
  Replies (39) Good night (7412) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7411) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list. http://tfl.nu/ifsp
  Replies (20) Good night (7407) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo
  Replies (20) Good night (7387) Bad night (1799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7351) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on http://tfl.nu/lu1l
  Replies (18) Good night (7298) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship. http://tfl.nu/tdmr
  Replies (37) Good night (7287) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa http://tfl.nu/lg9x
  Replies (33) Good night (7284) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7218) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7207) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever. http://tfl.nu/jcyn
  Replies (31) Good night (7195) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
  Replies (17) Good night (7182) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week http://tfl.nu/iwzc
  Replies (69) Good night (7176) Bad night (2645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr
  Replies (35) Good night (7145) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7080) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487
  Replies (37) Good night (7055) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7024) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (6998) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6989) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (6981) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6975) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way. http://tfl.nu/230k
  Replies (16) Good night (6957) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (6934) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (6930) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e
  Replies (20) Good night (6909) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6904) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game? http://tfl.nu/evbk
  Replies (317) Good night (6884) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one. http://tfl.nu/ogtf
  Replies (76) Good night (6862) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (6848) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (6848) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (6837) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): 1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you http://tfl.nu/har0
  Replies (34) Good night (6830) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (6814) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (6788) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering! http://tfl.nu/inse
  Replies (45) Good night (6784) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need? http://tfl.nu/pqn5
  Replies (27) Good night (6755) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo. http://tfl.nu/heh2
  Replies (22) Good night (6723) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6712) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (137) Good night (6711) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (6704) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6678) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader. http://tfl.nu/y8oj
  Replies (62) Good night (6658) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  tonight lets celebrate not being married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): tonight lets celebrate not being married http://tfl.nu/u5lc
  Replies (19) Good night (6657) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
  Replies (96) Good night (6642) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums. http://tfl.nu/weac
  Replies (36) Good night (6616) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6614) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative! http://tfl.nu/b5c4
  Replies (67) Good night (6611) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6602) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (8) Good night (6573) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video http://tfl.nu/p3je
  Replies (14) Good night (6564) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6563) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6556) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible. http://tfl.nu/hzvs
  Replies (18) Good night (6553) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o
  Replies (66) Good night (6522) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate. http://tfl.nu/3qld
  Replies (15) Good night (6503) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding http://tfl.nu/t8fl
  Replies (44) Good night (6501) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw
  Replies (15) Good night (6498) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle. http://tfl.nu/juw9
  Replies (25) Good night (6481) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): she's into porn, im staying here tonight http://tfl.nu/jlgw
  Replies (31) Good night (6469) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn
  Replies (34) Good night (6434) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6433) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him. http://tfl.nu/wgyi
  Replies (25) Good night (6414) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (40) Good night (6399) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name. http://tfl.nu/imhe
  Replies (63) Good night (6396) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e
  Replies (7) Good night (6393) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week http://tfl.nu/5wm5
  Replies (32) Good night (6387) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6337) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6317) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6308) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6308) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6295) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6293) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?! http://tfl.nu/1fx5
  Replies (12) Good night (6293) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (34) Good night (6271) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6217) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6205) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6197) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6193) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me. http://tfl.nu/k5hc
  Replies (4) Good night (6186) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6184) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6161) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy
  Replies (46) Good night (6158) Bad night (2475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6158) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey" http://tfl.nu/pjur
  Replies (24) Good night (6154) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done. http://tfl.nu/q1zr
  Replies (56) Good night (6145) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (12) Good night (6119) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6087) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
  Replies (26) Good night (6084) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6082) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles. http://tfl.nu/p09d
  Replies (36) Good night (6074) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6061) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6059) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps http://tfl.nu/x84f
  Replies (85) Good night (6058) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7
  Replies (48) Good night (6028) Bad night (1485)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds http://tfl.nu/u8pq
  Replies (36) Good night (5986) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (5982) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero... http://tfl.nu/xsvf
  Replies (17) Good night (5965) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it. http://tfl.nu/df00
  Replies (38) Good night (5932) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay. http://tfl.nu/nx25
  Replies (35) Good night (5926) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom? http://tfl.nu/5x0x
  Replies (48) Good night (5922) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): friends don't let friends hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/lykv
  Replies (174) Good night (5918) Bad night (2804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (10) Good night (5910) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it. http://tfl.nu/h4q6
  Replies (22) Good night (5877) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5854) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8
  Replies (23) Good night (5841) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need a leather bustier to keep them in.

  (925): View more from California

  Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in. (925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that. http://tfl.nu/8m96
  Replies (26) Good night (5832) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW. http://tfl.nu/946s
  Replies (13) Good night (5829) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (5820) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg
  Replies (13) Good night (5818) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'." http://tfl.nu/z1xk
  Replies (21) Good night (5787) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj
  Replies (28) Good night (5785) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (5781) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid. http://tfl.nu/ga4m
  Replies (30) Good night (5776) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  fair is fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it (484): fair is fair http://tfl.nu/tm5x
  Replies (19) Good night (5768) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5727) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far? http://tfl.nu/ph4e
  Replies (59) Good night (5710) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope. http://tfl.nu/7xzu
  Replies (42) Good night (5693) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now. http://tfl.nu/hw0c
  Replies (41) Good night (5689) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2
  Replies (12) Good night (5687) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you. http://tfl.nu/te9j
  Replies (22) Good night (5687) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5680) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with. http://tfl.nu/f7yk
  Replies (11) Good night (5677) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester. http://tfl.nu/q7xe
  Replies (31) Good night (5668) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination http://tfl.nu/azc2
  Replies (15) Good night (5640) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5618) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober http://tfl.nu/ny6e
  Replies (22) Good night (5614) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5607) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5591) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5574) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks http://tfl.nu/x484
  Replies (13) Good night (5560) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (5533) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special http://tfl.nu/g9sh
  Replies (11) Good night (5523) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life. http://tfl.nu/huxl
  Replies (168) Good night (5520) Bad night (6360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place http://tfl.nu/zqzf
  Replies (8) Good night (5498) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice http://tfl.nu/bo72
  Replies (15) Good night (5443) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers. http://tfl.nu/cp6l
  Replies (31) Good night (5392) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
  Replies (30) Good night (5388) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5380) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance http://tfl.nu/rrp5
  Replies (56) Good night (5376) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter. http://tfl.nu/7onh
  Replies (22) Good night (5360) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5343) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
  Replies (41) Good night (5328) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook http://tfl.nu/6gha
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me. (1-304): That wasn't intended for you, my bad. http://tfl.nu/hfz2
  Replies (23) Good night (5312) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep http://tfl.nu/2p4s
  Replies (17) Good night (5305) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
  Replies (16) Good night (5305) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger" http://tfl.nu/o631
  Replies (20) Good night (5303) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again? http://tfl.nu/qrnl
  Replies (19) Good night (5283) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer http://tfl.nu/v4f1
  Replies (32) Good night (5271) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling. http://tfl.nu/ly52
  Replies (26) Good night (5267) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...? http://tfl.nu/n1uy
  Replies (183) Good night (5250) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod http://tfl.nu/ur38
  Replies (11) Good night (5248) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!" http://tfl.nu/kefh
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5235) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls. http://tfl.nu/6oxa
  Replies (37) Good night (5198) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  they just did a mariachi cover of free bird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): they just did a mariachi cover of free bird http://tfl.nu/opnr
  Replies (21) Good night (5167) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5141) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning. http://tfl.nu/kt95
  Replies (24) Good night (5083) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations http://tfl.nu/f8qq
  Replies (18) Good night (5080) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be? http://tfl.nu/0zp1
  Replies (17) Good night (5074) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while. http://tfl.nu/n1x9
  Replies (24) Good night (5053) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5052) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her. http://tfl.nu/z77d
  Replies (27) Good night (5042) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng
  Replies (11) Good night (5037) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her. http://tfl.nu/wxz7
  Replies (6) Good night (5021) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy. http://tfl.nu/gapv
  Replies (28) Good night (4997) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch http://tfl.nu/4wbs
  Replies (4) Good night (4990) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. http://tfl.nu/bkr9
  Replies (23) Good night (4978) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope. http://tfl.nu/lawp
  Replies (25) Good night (4977) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82
  Replies (23) Good night (4977) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper http://tfl.nu/mqbh
  Replies (13) Good night (4972) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd
  Replies (43) Good night (4970) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (4966) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/ktmw
  Replies (15) Good night (4936) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen. http://tfl.nu/9jnz
  Replies (18) Good night (4932) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut. (740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck.. http://tfl.nu/ltlc
  Replies (37) Good night (4929) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man http://tfl.nu/37r4
  Replies (21) Good night (4924) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day. http://tfl.nu/uzwr
  Replies (15) Good night (4914) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics

  (1-607): View more from New York

  That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics (1-607): That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder (1-607): Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in? http://tfl.nu/6ryu
  Replies (25) Good night (4897) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (4873) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (4869) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (4861) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (4855) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj
  Replies (23) Good night (4844) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong http://tfl.nu/oa40
  Replies (9) Good night (4834) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work http://tfl.nu/lrs5
  Replies (13) Good night (4828) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (13) Good night (4818) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities http://tfl.nu/tqmj
  Replies (11) Good night (4780) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights. http://tfl.nu/0a84
  Replies (29) Good night (4759) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): 2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win? http://tfl.nu/n991
  Replies (33) Good night (4725) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph
  Replies (259) Good night (4705) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/7tah
  Replies (10) Good night (4688) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4679) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (4676) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4668) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (4659) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods. http://tfl.nu/a6lo
  Replies (11) Good night (4650) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA? http://tfl.nu/qz9z
  Replies (23) Good night (4624) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day http://tfl.nu/w2yk
  Replies (29) Good night (4620) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4608) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4604) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur http://tfl.nu/wpeh
  Replies (30) Good night (4588) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): At least my shower head will respect me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/vri5
  Replies (32) Good night (4584) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4577) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4570) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/hl6i
  Replies (14) Good night (4570) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all. http://tfl.nu/glyl
  Replies (27) Good night (4566) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class http://tfl.nu/v047
  Replies (37) Good night (4562) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4562) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night. http://tfl.nu/8q1c
  Replies (11) Good night (4557) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4551) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
  Replies (11) Good night (4548) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4526) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away http://tfl.nu/d57a
  Replies (40) Good night (4525) Bad night (2863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking. http://tfl.nu/amrn
  Replies (5) Good night (4519) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up http://tfl.nu/4wl0
  Replies (10) Good night (4491) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm. http://tfl.nu/ypbk
  Replies (18) Good night (4489) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out. http://tfl.nu/l8yc
  Replies (20) Good night (4471) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage" http://tfl.nu/jy1p
  Replies (9) Good night (4435) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4416) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls (1-306): I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome http://tfl.nu/f4ni
  Replies (23) Good night (4407) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk. http://tfl.nu/289e
  Replies (12) Good night (4404) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door. http://tfl.nu/li4e
  Replies (10) Good night (4400) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4379) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed http://tfl.nu/c1fn
  Replies (7) Good night (4370) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better" http://tfl.nu/pc1d
  Replies (15) Good night (4344) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official http://tfl.nu/mdan
  Replies (15) Good night (4337) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college." http://tfl.nu/qe42
  Replies (19) Good night (4309) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7974)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n
  Replies (15) Good night (4279) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora http://tfl.nu/wtuh
  Replies (19) Good night (4278) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem. http://tfl.nu/ppj9
  Replies (27) Good night (4248) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night. http://tfl.nu/xigq
  Replies (5) Good night (4245) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name. http://tfl.nu/fuep
  Replies (34) Good night (4238) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap http://tfl.nu/o5dz
  Replies (9) Good night (4200) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half. http://tfl.nu/b8ev
  Replies (29) Good night (4197) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4175) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great. http://tfl.nu/mw4a
  Replies (11) Good night (4167) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place. http://tfl.nu/pxw5
  Replies (7) Good night (4147) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/z2qj
  Replies (28) Good night (4142) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding. http://tfl.nu/82eq
  Replies (10) Good night (4137) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4129) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong... http://tfl.nu/oapp
  Replies (30) Good night (4105) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty" http://tfl.nu/8yrq
  Replies (45) Good night (4088) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/oyv6
  Replies (15) Good night (4079) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv http://tfl.nu/8yma
  Replies (17) Good night (4069) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4067) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands. http://tfl.nu/acvp
  Replies (42) Good night (4047) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off. http://tfl.nu/r6m3
  Replies (12) Good night (4028) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq
  Replies (7) Good night (4026) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door? http://tfl.nu/on5x
  Replies (8) Good night (3992) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating http://tfl.nu/p848
  Replies (19) Good night (3987) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality. http://tfl.nu/vr2w
  Replies (13) Good night (3985) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium http://tfl.nu/c873
  Replies (10) Good night (3971) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w
  Replies (20) Good night (3968) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me? http://tfl.nu/hd4u
  Replies (66) Good night (3964) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down http://tfl.nu/e11q
  Replies (6) Good night (3917) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now. http://tfl.nu/6k12
  Replies (12) Good night (3886) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs
  Replies (13) Good night (3868) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard http://tfl.nu/v78z
  Replies (30) Good night (3837) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence. http://tfl.nu/tuvm
  Replies (15) Good night (3826) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation. http://tfl.nu/cfqm
  Replies (20) Good night (3803) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pride?

  (214): View more from Texas

  thats a pack of cougars

  (469): View more from Texas

  go fuck yourself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now (469): Pride? (214): thats a pack of cougars (469): go fuck yourself http://tfl.nu/22tj
  Replies (22) Good night (3793) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty http://tfl.nu/gq3b
  Replies (9) Good night (3787) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured? http://tfl.nu/thxs
  Replies (8) Good night (3770) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675
  Replies (47) Good night (3756) Bad night (9136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland" http://tfl.nu/fgmr
  Replies (44) Good night (3737) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget http://tfl.nu/82uy
  Replies (7) Good night (3727) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (3713) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (3710) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple http://tfl.nu/5qs4
  Replies (9) Good night (3704) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+45): You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right? http://tfl.nu/cwve
  Replies (9) Good night (3686) Bad night (1415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb
  Replies (17) Good night (3686) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket. http://tfl.nu/bfmy
  Replies (22) Good night (3681) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  she said she was living bicuriously through me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): she said she was living bicuriously through me. http://tfl.nu/luix
  Replies (14) Good night (3680) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i wish i had your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets (1-904): i wish i had your life http://tfl.nu/5ctk
  Replies (33) Good night (3676) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon? http://tfl.nu/djkx
  Replies (17) Good night (3676) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear." http://tfl.nu/t3d7
  Replies (4) Good night (3665) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission. http://tfl.nu/o1g8
  Replies (9) Good night (3650) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love http://tfl.nu/kjeb
  Replies (23) Good night (3516) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im going to research this theory. . .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex' (224): Im going to research this theory. . . http://tfl.nu/7c0k
  Replies (47) Good night (3475) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs. http://tfl.nu/ujxz
  Replies (24) Good night (3465) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends. http://tfl.nu/hd8a
  Replies (12) Good night (3462) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA". http://tfl.nu/ak7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3440) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju
  Replies (98) Good night (3413) Bad night (8634)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm. http://tfl.nu/clwu
  Replies (8) Good night (3413) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3378) Bad night (5177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's like the pied piper of lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She's like the pied piper of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/2bl6
  Replies (13) Good night (3362) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank. http://tfl.nu/t4i5
  Replies (12) Good night (3327) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3304) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up http://tfl.nu/nnr4
  Replies (5) Good night (3292) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule. http://tfl.nu/wdvp
  Replies (27) Good night (3267) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win. http://tfl.nu/rx98
  Replies (15) Good night (3267) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3259) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced. http://tfl.nu/trxy
  Replies (4) Good night (3167) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
  Replies (70) Good night (3110) Bad night (4902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Want to have sex later?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  This feels like a trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Want to have sex later? (614): This feels like a trap http://tfl.nu/uak4
  Replies (27) Good night (3077) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ...is it true? will i see you next weekend

  (248): View more from Michigan

  YES.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend (248): YES. (614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us http://tfl.nu/m1xt
  Replies (22) Good night (3036) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn

  (706): View more from Georgia

  And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn (706): And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her http://tfl.nu/b039
  Replies (49) Good night (3017) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  my lips still taste like vagina

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  so you liked breakfast?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): my lips still taste like vagina (1-740): so you liked breakfast? (740): ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead http://tfl.nu/odt6
  Replies (18) Good night (3004) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup. http://tfl.nu/z0w1
  Replies (7) Good night (2982) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites

  (1-516): View more from New York

  Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites (1-516): Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class? http://tfl.nu/4qhs
  Replies (23) Good night (2954) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (2947) Bad night (6096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Where else am I to apply my creativity?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Where else am I to apply my creativity? (1-303): I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start. http://tfl.nu/ttid
  Replies (5) Good night (2931) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (2780) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good http://tfl.nu/mzsl
  Replies (8) Good night (2764) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom http://tfl.nu/lg7c
  Replies (6) Good night (2725) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up? http://tfl.nu/cmpo
  Replies (30) Good night (2634) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her http://tfl.nu/v70p
  Replies (20) Good night (2616) Bad night (3934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there. http://tfl.nu/ie6m
  Replies (8) Good night (2580) Bad night (1723)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club? http://tfl.nu/mens
  Replies (12) Good night (2563) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum http://tfl.nu/fisn
  Replies (28) Good night (2560) Bad night (8883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer. http://tfl.nu/n491
  Replies (8) Good night (2531) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/oysw
  Replies (16) Good night (2488) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all. http://tfl.nu/8svu
  Replies (31) Good night (2470) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (171) Good night (2419) Bad night (31285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2407) Bad night (5770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/grua
  Replies (20) Good night (2391) Bad night (4109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2329) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps. http://tfl.nu/5rkl
  Replies (24) Good night (2265) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (53) Good night (2250) Bad night (14356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc
  Replies (90) Good night (2082) Bad night (22166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (1905) Bad night (3711)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it (973): just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you http://tfl.nu/4uwz
  Replies (60) Good night (1843) Bad night (4810)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts. http://tfl.nu/py1e
  Replies (22) Good night (1832) Bad night (3187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7
  Replies (55) Good night (1827) Bad night (6214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before http://tfl.nu/29hu
  Replies (16) Good night (1812) Bad night (4167)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously? http://tfl.nu/b5p0
  Replies (71) Good night (1795) Bad night (6245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (53) Good night (1788) Bad night (6131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship. http://tfl.nu/z11g
  Replies (23) Good night (1784) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1745) Bad night (7583)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (1733) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going. http://tfl.nu/roti
  Replies (45) Good night (1688) Bad night (4629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it" http://tfl.nu/pya0
  Replies (46) Good night (1628) Bad night (9165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl
  Replies (38) Good night (1590) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1587) Bad night (5508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1578) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand. http://tfl.nu/fda6
  Replies (39) Good night (1542) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/1db0
  Replies (21) Good night (1489) Bad night (3931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water

  (425): View more from Washington

  Legs for days

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Harpoon that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water (425): Legs for days (1-425): Harpoon that http://tfl.nu/z0dx
  Replies (2) Good night (1487) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (194) Good night (1469) Bad night (25707)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1469) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me, http://tfl.nu/qbcn
  Replies (16) Good night (1463) Bad night (3437)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work http://tfl.nu/ppy0
  Replies (16) Good night (1463) Bad night (3413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars http://tfl.nu/ybwb
  Replies (37) Good night (1461) Bad night (4410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..." http://tfl.nu/hs05
  Replies (43) Good night (1445) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment. http://tfl.nu/imr3
  Replies (42) Good night (1428) Bad night (5192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1395) Bad night (7290)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season http://tfl.nu/ewwq
  Replies (37) Good night (1376) Bad night (8926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1374) Bad night (5040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1369) Bad night (9540)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits http://tfl.nu/a8zr
  Replies (29) Good night (1354) Bad night (7284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL! http://tfl.nu/gtw6
  Replies (92) Good night (1335) Bad night (3885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fucking left with him didn't you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand" (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?! http://tfl.nu/a3ou
  Replies (33) Good night (1330) Bad night (3658)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news. http://tfl.nu/1uhd
  Replies (97) Good night (1325) Bad night (9984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (35) Good night (1312) Bad night (6687)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it http://tfl.nu/ddbo
  Replies (13) Good night (1312) Bad night (4501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone http://tfl.nu/gkfm
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (4026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1306) Bad night (8109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  hello competition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator (908): hello competition http://tfl.nu/cped
  Replies (18) Good night (1296) Bad night (4427)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season. http://tfl.nu/4nsl
  Replies (23) Good night (1294) Bad night (3576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
  Replies (37) Good night (1270) Bad night (6596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so my dad walked in on us having sex

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  lulz really? why?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so my dad walked in on us having sex (1-256): lulz really? why? (256): lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time http://tfl.nu/805g
  Replies (74) Good night (1221) Bad night (10656)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1216) Bad night (7271)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off. http://tfl.nu/h9sg
  Replies (17) Good night (1187) Bad night (6032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (433): View more from

  There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (433): There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables http://tfl.nu/c33j
  Replies (62) Good night (1184) Bad night (3820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1176) Bad night (3841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head http://tfl.nu/73zt
  Replies (47) Good night (1166) Bad night (7255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/tunm
  Replies (45) Good night (1162) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her http://tfl.nu/iw7s
  Replies (13) Good night (1138) Bad night (3799)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer. http://tfl.nu/24xs
  Replies (16) Good night (1130) Bad night (2788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies http://tfl.nu/vhuy
  Replies (76) Good night (1103) Bad night (6424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1089) Bad night (13952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken. http://tfl.nu/pmvb
  Replies (8) Good night (1086) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do... http://tfl.nu/qae9
  Replies (22) Good night (1083) Bad night (3653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest http://tfl.nu/t023
  Replies (21) Good night (1070) Bad night (5152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce http://tfl.nu/v1jk
  Replies (19) Good night (1062) Bad night (4937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  well apparently not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in? (1-978): well apparently not. http://tfl.nu/kqax
  Replies (50) Good night (1059) Bad night (5099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance http://tfl.nu/c8s3
  Replies (34) Good night (1027) Bad night (4551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
  Replies (69) Good night (1024) Bad night (8643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for http://tfl.nu/gqdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1021) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1007) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea. http://tfl.nu/a9pb
  Replies (51) Good night (988) Bad night (11106)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears. http://tfl.nu/xwms
  Replies (14) Good night (987) Bad night (3692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (68) Good night (949) Bad night (10748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o
  Replies (41) Good night (943) Bad night (2554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (934) Bad night (6385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after? http://tfl.nu/ai6n
  Replies (45) Good night (913) Bad night (5083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face. http://tfl.nu/uer3
  Replies (61) Good night (910) Bad night (4187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/0zg1
  Replies (84) Good night (895) Bad night (8178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows. http://tfl.nu/wtg2
  Replies (19) Good night (887) Bad night (3033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up http://tfl.nu/thrv
  Replies (18) Good night (885) Bad night (3395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (51) Good night (885) Bad night (6489)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (863) Bad night (4044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7' http://tfl.nu/hrls
  Replies (63) Good night (853) Bad night (4874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple http://tfl.nu/sgcu
  Replies (61) Good night (824) Bad night (6253)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with. (720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids. http://tfl.nu/a779
  Replies (16) Good night (813) Bad night (4015)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this... http://tfl.nu/ilg0
  Replies (41) Good night (809) Bad night (6152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals. http://tfl.nu/1tkg
  Replies (15) Good night (809) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic http://tfl.nu/fwzo
  Replies (58) Good night (805) Bad night (5270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (782) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more. http://tfl.nu/6a2v
  Replies (15) Good night (780) Bad night (3856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever. http://tfl.nu/iaa1
  Replies (29) Good night (778) Bad night (6245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER http://tfl.nu/olos
  Replies (30) Good night (776) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one. http://tfl.nu/z4fm
  Replies (34) Good night (773) Bad night (3254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning http://tfl.nu/4hjz
  Replies (6) Good night (772) Bad night (3928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr
  Replies (21) Good night (763) Bad night (3786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts. http://tfl.nu/rew4
  Replies (24) Good night (747) Bad night (5149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms (1-248): Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way http://tfl.nu/a42d
  Replies (7) Good night (740) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he said i ruined lesbian porn for him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he said i ruined lesbian porn for him http://tfl.nu/xboc
  Replies (11) Good night (735) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong http://tfl.nu/7whz
  Replies (28) Good night (733) Bad night (5632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control. http://tfl.nu/vcg1
  Replies (9) Good night (721) Bad night (2630)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity http://tfl.nu/xcgi
  Replies (36) Good night (700) Bad night (5681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love. http://tfl.nu/hfkg
  Replies (12) Good night (698) Bad night (3526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste http://tfl.nu/zz8f
  Replies (54) Good night (693) Bad night (3099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward http://tfl.nu/gsii
  Replies (37) Good night (684) Bad night (5577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (665) Bad night (4400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people. http://tfl.nu/q5y8
  Replies (33) Good night (660) Bad night (3373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with. (1-724): I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction http://tfl.nu/qhra
  Replies (35) Good night (643) Bad night (4101)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): All I want for christmas is my sobriety back. http://tfl.nu/wb57
  Replies (8) Good night (641) Bad night (2773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night. http://tfl.nu/vsnq
  Replies (17) Good night (634) Bad night (3201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you. http://tfl.nu/lhr4
  Replies (11) Good night (632) Bad night (2477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse http://tfl.nu/l7qs
  Replies (46) Good night (617) Bad night (7280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost. http://tfl.nu/50uv
  Replies (32) Good night (603) Bad night (2755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo http://tfl.nu/9iyh
  Replies (5) Good night (599) Bad night (2941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. http://tfl.nu/h0pi
  Replies (27) Good night (590) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh
  Replies (9) Good night (546) Bad night (3734)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again.... http://tfl.nu/lj9p
  Replies (22) Good night (540) Bad night (5359)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions

  (310): View more from California

  i wish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions (310): i wish http://tfl.nu/mg2v
  Replies (6) Good night (539) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game. http://tfl.nu/nypl
  Replies (58) Good night (537) Bad night (3529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit. http://tfl.nu/38x3
  Replies (31) Good night (524) Bad night (4936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/b39s
  Replies (27) Good night (524) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life. http://tfl.nu/2quw
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (4044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t
  Replies (53) Good night (507) Bad night (4489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is http://tfl.nu/8llu
  Replies (5) Good night (498) Bad night (3006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count. http://tfl.nu/0nix
  Replies (34) Good night (496) Bad night (4146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (467) Bad night (3033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): it was like weight watchers had a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/kblp
  Replies (15) Good night (466) Bad night (4311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Alcohol?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Sex with a fat chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next? (318): Alcohol? (601): Sex with a fat chick. http://tfl.nu/6g9z
  Replies (16) Good night (458) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out. http://tfl.nu/d51a
  Replies (13) Good night (441) Bad night (4246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding? http://tfl.nu/57be
  Replies (22) Good night (399) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier. http://tfl.nu/gy92
  Replies (25) Good night (396) Bad night (5151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): guess they didn't have any donuts in her size. http://tfl.nu/0a1u
  Replies (17) Good night (396) Bad night (2930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something. http://tfl.nu/k1os
  Replies (22) Good night (378) Bad night (4967) Order T-Shirt