Texts From Last Night

Klushious93's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82815) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52070) Bad night (5861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26453) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26337) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26201) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26070) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3945)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24104) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18889) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (37) Good night (18325) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18054) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (17758) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17737) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17225) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16391) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16260) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16199) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16134) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15968) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15812) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (30) Good night (14118) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13184) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12844) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (68) Good night (12757) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (12538) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12354) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12119) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (65) Good night (12075) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (39) Good night (11795) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (11569) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11381) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11057) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (10896) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (10690) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10413) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10339) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (15) Good night (10309) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10280) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10269) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9836) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9800) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c
  Replies (19) Good night (9529) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9477) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9126) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (45) Good night (9116) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9102) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9075) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9054) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8978) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  OMG THAT WAS YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building. (603): OMG THAT WAS YOU?! http://tfl.nu/kd7y
  Replies (42) Good night (8863) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv
  Replies (185) Good night (8818) Bad night (6821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (8783) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8769) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (8725) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8666) Bad night (2307)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8571) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8425) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8398) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8361) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8359) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one. http://tfl.nu/fj7c
  Replies (7) Good night (8259) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8216) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8189) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1... http://tfl.nu/ehgf
  Replies (21) Good night (8134) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8121) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
  Replies (79) Good night (8084) Bad night (2378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj
  Replies (21) Good night (8082) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8025) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I love boston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH (781): I love boston http://tfl.nu/jz0y
  Replies (37) Good night (7958) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv
  Replies (37) Good night (7889) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (7850) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS http://tfl.nu/1k5d
  Replies (34) Good night (7741) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7685) Bad night (7946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart. http://tfl.nu/u8db
  Replies (29) Good night (7645) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7605) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft
  Replies (41) Good night (7591) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l
  Replies (31) Good night (7582) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7574) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e
  Replies (17) Good night (7558) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7521) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7482) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7480) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4
  Replies (11) Good night (7368) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7291) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj
  Replies (18) Good night (7251) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7229) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down. http://tfl.nu/ki6l
  Replies (18) Good night (7214) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7105) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7102) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7033) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (6984) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6975) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6954) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (6947) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (6896) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling. http://tfl.nu/90ol
  Replies (16) Good night (6880) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (23) Good night (6862) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (6851) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (6799) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (6769) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob
  Replies (32) Good night (6748) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/pgeg
  Replies (29) Good night (6736) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp
  Replies (39) Good night (6691) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (6688) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6681) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
  Replies (16) Good night (6674) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/c874
  Replies (12) Good night (6644) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (34) Good night (6641) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6614) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
  Replies (21) Good night (6572) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places http://tfl.nu/sf6j
  Replies (13) Good night (6537) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (6508) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach. http://tfl.nu/7gys
  Replies (15) Good night (6418) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6403) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon? http://tfl.nu/98up
  Replies (20) Good night (6385) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6375) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about http://tfl.nu/o03a
  Replies (9) Good night (6368) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure http://tfl.nu/u013
  Replies (24) Good night (6339) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6333) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5
  Replies (9) Good night (6269) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating. http://tfl.nu/lk5p
  Replies (13) Good night (6258) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover. http://tfl.nu/uo1b
  Replies (9) Good night (6245) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (34) Good night (6166) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6137) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6087) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6083) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6078) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account. http://tfl.nu/ui6k
  Replies (21) Good night (6072) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3
  Replies (21) Good night (6006) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
  Replies (39) Good night (6005) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (5999) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (5990) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq
  Replies (9) Good night (5988) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night... http://tfl.nu/gxgg
  Replies (10) Good night (5986) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (5984) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever. http://tfl.nu/6dcd
  Replies (20) Good night (5983) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (5926) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5921) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/98cc
  Replies (9) Good night (5914) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can http://tfl.nu/8h8s
  Replies (17) Good night (5847) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (5845) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (5819) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (5819) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner http://tfl.nu/v9ac
  Replies (9) Good night (5802) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  fair is fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it (484): fair is fair http://tfl.nu/tm5x
  Replies (19) Good night (5768) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5730) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (5719) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (5694) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (5687) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (5674) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this. http://tfl.nu/6gzz
  Replies (9) Good night (5663) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (5663) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5643) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (25) Good night (5631) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5623) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
  Replies (34) Good night (5613) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5603) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him http://tfl.nu/2ppo
  Replies (23) Good night (5592) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5543) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5516) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one... http://tfl.nu/z7kq
  Replies (13) Good night (5513) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough. http://tfl.nu/js6s
  Replies (19) Good night (5491) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead". http://tfl.nu/bwjk
  Replies (10) Good night (5476) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5471) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now. http://tfl.nu/744a
  Replies (24) Good night (5435) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5423) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere. (602): Why would he say turtle mid-fuck? http://tfl.nu/okxi
  Replies (17) Good night (5420) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5381) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing http://tfl.nu/j7xf
  Replies (26) Good night (5366) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5359) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had. http://tfl.nu/tauu
  Replies (26) Good night (5349) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5328) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
  Replies (16) Good night (5314) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5286) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq
  Replies (14) Good night (5254) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number? http://tfl.nu/4q6h
  Replies (33) Good night (5240) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend. http://tfl.nu/lag5
  Replies (9) Good night (5228) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He probs deserved it.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Every good man does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell. (260): He probs deserved it. (317): Every good man does. http://tfl.nu/4ma5
  Replies (32) Good night (5218) Bad night (1410)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty... http://tfl.nu/qvnt
  Replies (17) Good night (5215) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b
  Replies (7) Good night (5210) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole http://tfl.nu/4rln
  Replies (12) Good night (5176) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT. http://tfl.nu/u1ny
  Replies (26) Good night (5175) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around. http://tfl.nu/7cdc
  Replies (16) Good night (5175) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5125) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5107) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/zlvv
  Replies (9) Good night (5096) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/uvgg
  Replies (14) Good night (5091) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone http://tfl.nu/f58w
  Replies (20) Good night (5090) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you http://tfl.nu/wspo
  Replies (14) Good night (5089) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury http://tfl.nu/7ksy
  Replies (17) Good night (5077) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5060) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  Can I eat your pillow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow. (1-936): Can I eat your pillow? http://tfl.nu/ozwu
  Replies (7) Good night (5024) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5021) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
  Replies (7) Good night (5005) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper http://tfl.nu/mqbh
  Replies (13) Good night (4972) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement? http://tfl.nu/kphp
  Replies (6) Good night (4916) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (14) Good night (4899) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians (503): How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often? http://tfl.nu/gll8
  Replies (20) Good night (4898) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (4884) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (4861) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason... http://tfl.nu/n9s7
  Replies (17) Good night (4849) Bad night (1619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool. http://tfl.nu/4pl2
  Replies (44) Good night (4837) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point. http://tfl.nu/pwj5
  Replies (28) Good night (4825) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (4811) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (4797) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it http://tfl.nu/fti9
  Replies (11) Good night (4786) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung. http://tfl.nu/lg9m
  Replies (18) Good night (4767) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?

  (818): View more from California

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night? (818): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/ps95
  Replies (9) Good night (4717) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back http://tfl.nu/8662
  Replies (14) Good night (4697) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea. http://tfl.nu/9kka
  Replies (9) Good night (4661) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job. http://tfl.nu/800g
  Replies (25) Good night (4654) Bad night (3308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4630) Bad night (5957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (4627) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4610) Bad night (1869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm
  Replies (52) Good night (4568) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4560) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4556) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste. http://tfl.nu/3anp
  Replies (21) Good night (4554) Bad night (1512)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me. http://tfl.nu/l22j
  Replies (11) Good night (4545) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text http://tfl.nu/7lw4
  Replies (5) Good night (4525) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement http://tfl.nu/oky4
  Replies (12) Good night (4524) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4509) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort. http://tfl.nu/2zhz
  Replies (15) Good night (4424) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4406) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s
  Replies (20) Good night (4395) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I went along with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5
  Replies (5) Good night (4382) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4378) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki
  Replies (7) Good night (4375) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened? (308): Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/5y08
  Replies (17) Good night (4370) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm
  Replies (4) Good night (4355) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship. http://tfl.nu/btcq
  Replies (17) Good night (4329) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They have a pepper shaker for pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They have a pepper shaker for pot. http://tfl.nu/nws4
  Replies (8) Good night (4324) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform http://tfl.nu/z93z
  Replies (7) Good night (4323) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh
  Replies (9) Good night (4317) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7974)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead http://tfl.nu/h0ei
  Replies (12) Good night (4291) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it. http://tfl.nu/ggt5
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night. http://tfl.nu/49y3
  Replies (18) Good night (4256) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen?? http://tfl.nu/vnhk
  Replies (14) Good night (4186) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  tasteful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked (1-812): tasteful. http://tfl.nu/syjz
  Replies (17) Good night (4160) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4154) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered. http://tfl.nu/k2a9
  Replies (11) Good night (4129) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no pressure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him. (215): no pressure. http://tfl.nu/wyu7
  Replies (12) Good night (4123) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs
  Replies (7) Good night (4087) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have one question about last night

  (646): View more from New York

  if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr
  Replies (4) Good night (4044) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4013) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since. http://tfl.nu/ovf5
  Replies (8) Good night (4008) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij
  Replies (13) Good night (3955) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you." http://tfl.nu/7ipp
  Replies (9) Good night (3952) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's. http://tfl.nu/kqcw
  Replies (10) Good night (3927) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (3919) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes. http://tfl.nu/xo7e
  Replies (32) Good night (3788) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is. http://tfl.nu/odjy
  Replies (9) Good night (3744) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore. http://tfl.nu/9xwr
  Replies (44) Good night (3733) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (3727) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there. http://tfl.nu/dxiw
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family http://tfl.nu/6om1
  Replies (11) Good night (3705) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out. http://tfl.nu/os26
  Replies (17) Good night (3687) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store http://tfl.nu/shho
  Replies (12) Good night (3640) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3613) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better. http://tfl.nu/qcgw
  Replies (79) Good night (3606) Bad night (7337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job http://tfl.nu/ruqn
  Replies (13) Good night (3594) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving' http://tfl.nu/j3uq
  Replies (25) Good night (3542) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything. http://tfl.nu/hi5p
  Replies (5) Good night (3542) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3530) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just got walked in on during safety inspections

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Think you passed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Just got walked in on during safety inspections (828): Think you passed? http://tfl.nu/r9km
  Replies (20) Good night (3526) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night http://tfl.nu/v3fw
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops http://tfl.nu/xgyz
  Replies (9) Good night (3514) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred. http://tfl.nu/3k1m
  Replies (11) Good night (3500) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level http://tfl.nu/l6je
  Replies (14) Good night (3446) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3403) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket http://tfl.nu/j6rw
  Replies (8) Good night (3402) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape http://tfl.nu/orsz
  Replies (17) Good night (3393) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt
  Replies (2) Good night (3392) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning. http://tfl.nu/a0no
  Replies (8) Good night (3359) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark? http://tfl.nu/0hyg
  Replies (6) Good night (3332) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3304) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I'm in awe of how selfish that is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking. (1-519): I'm in awe of how selfish that is. http://tfl.nu/dlh3
  Replies (10) Good night (3304) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane? http://tfl.nu/zikg
  Replies (11) Good night (3165) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop. http://tfl.nu/0sxf
  Replies (4) Good night (3141) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating. http://tfl.nu/do4w
  Replies (4) Good night (3120) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner. http://tfl.nu/w2xi
  Replies (12) Good night (3043) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened. http://tfl.nu/7jhi
  Replies (14) Good night (3035) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ...are you coming on to me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me. (601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly (901): ...are you coming on to me? http://tfl.nu/90vx
  Replies (12) Good night (3021) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/r11o
  Replies (12) Good night (2883) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex.... http://tfl.nu/n100
  Replies (15) Good night (2835) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line. http://tfl.nu/abdb
  Replies (5) Good night (2832) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips http://tfl.nu/g3ng
  Replies (6) Good night (2811) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I checked into jail on foursquare

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I checked into jail on foursquare http://tfl.nu/tcv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2800) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/vjxc
  Replies (14) Good night (2755) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier. http://tfl.nu/uqbe
  Replies (6) Good night (2734) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday. http://tfl.nu/wqr0
  Replies (5) Good night (2715) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (191) Good night (2643) Bad night (14802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2639) Bad night (7500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14476)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like. http://tfl.nu/m82g
  Replies (6) Good night (2586) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming. http://tfl.nu/lyy1
  Replies (27) Good night (2560) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (2551) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap http://tfl.nu/e6wb
  Replies (4) Good night (2482) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network. http://tfl.nu/mmjy
  Replies (44) Good night (2462) Bad night (4380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/0qxf
  Replies (19) Good night (2436) Bad night (5401)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
  Replies (27) Good night (2403) Bad night (6022)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary http://tfl.nu/g62g
  Replies (14) Good night (2339) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2329) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (5) Good night (2283) Bad night (1556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM

  (416): View more from Toronto

  From?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM (416): From? (647): Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table... http://tfl.nu/hv77
  Replies (16) Good night (2140) Bad night (5143)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict http://tfl.nu/am6o
  Replies (11) Good night (2139) Bad night (1841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano. http://tfl.nu/kwsa
  Replies (6) Good night (2136) Bad night (3040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1943) Bad night (5831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower. http://tfl.nu/ei3p
  Replies (4) Good night (1931) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (1930) Bad night (3845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge. http://tfl.nu/jdua
  Replies (20) Good night (1870) Bad night (3520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx
  Replies (30) Good night (1857) Bad night (3507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4 http://tfl.nu/9o7z
  Replies (45) Good night (1856) Bad night (6495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1778) Bad night (7413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch. http://tfl.nu/yicm
  Replies (13) Good night (1778) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
  Replies (18) Good night (1778) Bad night (6258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61
  Replies (8) Good night (1764) Bad night (5462)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied". http://tfl.nu/4up3
  Replies (12) Good night (1736) Bad night (3574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
  Replies (45) Good night (1723) Bad night (5043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better. http://tfl.nu/gf52
  Replies (6) Good night (1674) Bad night (2972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (2224)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9455)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people." http://tfl.nu/j747
  Replies (13) Good night (1642) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles. http://tfl.nu/usa7
  Replies (27) Good night (1634) Bad night (5376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k
  Replies (16) Good night (1607) Bad night (3443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1578) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1527) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food. http://tfl.nu/f716
  Replies (18) Good night (1482) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We shouldn"t be alone together

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you didn"t say that yesterday

  (813): View more from Florida

  you weren't married yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We shouldn"t be alone together (606): you didn"t say that yesterday (813): you weren't married yesterday http://tfl.nu/oykj
  Replies (39) Good night (1482) Bad night (8527)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow http://tfl.nu/h8bi
  Replies (10) Good night (1463) Bad night (3888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole. http://tfl.nu/0fwa
  Replies (34) Good night (1448) Bad night (6827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1448) Bad night (5395)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her. http://tfl.nu/6qpw
  Replies (25) Good night (1427) Bad night (5536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1415) Bad night (4166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1401) Bad night (8320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What happened?....

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What happened?.... (304): He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm.... http://tfl.nu/j714
  Replies (10) Good night (1362) Bad night (4872)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes? http://tfl.nu/wyhr
  Replies (11) Good night (1339) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over. http://tfl.nu/878e
  Replies (40) Good night (1330) Bad night (6968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far

  (713): View more from Texas

  Sounds better than last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far (713): Sounds better than last semester http://tfl.nu/9h5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1289) Bad night (4294)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade. http://tfl.nu/270g
  Replies (20) Good night (1278) Bad night (5241)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave. http://tfl.nu/35vg
  Replies (26) Good night (1275) Bad night (5955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent. http://tfl.nu/g68o
  Replies (7) Good night (1274) Bad night (3575)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs
  Replies (38) Good night (1234) Bad night (6760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's pole dancing on a heat lamp. http://tfl.nu/0l62
  Replies (9) Good night (1234) Bad night (3144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

  (917): View more from New York City

  me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Sitting here wishing there were men in my life. (917): me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time. http://tfl.nu/mpan
  Replies (21) Good night (1208) Bad night (5062)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1197) Bad night (3836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c
  Replies (13) Good night (1175) Bad night (4815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1165) Bad night (6121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1164) Bad night (6156)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats. http://tfl.nu/gybz
  Replies (34) Good night (1100) Bad night (3831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/3knu
  Replies (12) Good night (1066) Bad night (3771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/lnzm
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (3076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing http://tfl.nu/i2gp
  Replies (18) Good night (1053) Bad night (6508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint http://tfl.nu/0n30
  Replies (10) Good night (1041) Bad night (4390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1027) Bad night (8394)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.

  (646): View more from New York

  nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest.. (219): you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked. (646): nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us.. http://tfl.nu/wc73
  Replies (31) Good night (1020) Bad night (4460)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1017) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it. http://tfl.nu/6j8m
  Replies (24) Good night (1015) Bad night (7754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order http://tfl.nu/64q0
  Replies (11) Good night (1013) Bad night (3769)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut? http://tfl.nu/riq0
  Replies (39) Good night (1003) Bad night (4182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?" http://tfl.nu/jp4f
  Replies (14) Good night (989) Bad night (5346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/ob4u
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (3453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction. http://tfl.nu/2rxz
  Replies (58) Good night (954) Bad night (6982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (942) Bad night (6373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined. http://tfl.nu/ti88
  Replies (8) Good night (935) Bad night (5079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper http://tfl.nu/7rbt
  Replies (48) Good night (925) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn
  Replies (18) Good night (924) Bad night (5953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (923) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (918) Bad night (6747)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

  (205): View more from Alabama

  pick me up NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr
  Replies (17) Good night (908) Bad night (4379)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again http://tfl.nu/1sak
  Replies (15) Good night (870) Bad night (4517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think http://tfl.nu/e8us
  Replies (9) Good night (843) Bad night (4966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed". http://tfl.nu/0nax
  Replies (40) Good night (837) Bad night (4982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame http://tfl.nu/f96m
  Replies (13) Good night (820) Bad night (3893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms." http://tfl.nu/qx21
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (3686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
  Replies (21) Good night (815) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation. http://tfl.nu/alpd
  Replies (23) Good night (812) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B. http://tfl.nu/8gac
  Replies (22) Good night (809) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac.... http://tfl.nu/v8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (803) Bad night (5104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex http://tfl.nu/a38e
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (4110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (4808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (797) Bad night (3179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex.. http://tfl.nu/6q5t
  Replies (13) Good night (795) Bad night (2970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo
  Replies (20) Good night (781) Bad night (4870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone.. http://tfl.nu/l9l0
  Replies (10) Good night (774) Bad night (3114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's like a pop up book from hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She's like a pop up book from hell. http://tfl.nu/grf5
  Replies (18) Good night (758) Bad night (3797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again. http://tfl.nu/chm7
  Replies (10) Good night (757) Bad night (3524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits http://tfl.nu/yqhn
  Replies (15) Good night (751) Bad night (3775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars. http://tfl.nu/iixj
  Replies (20) Good night (748) Bad night (6354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (744) Bad night (4949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied http://tfl.nu/rkdz
  Replies (18) Good night (742) Bad night (3823)
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from

  I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes. http://tfl.nu/b0wk
  Replies (24) Good night (737) Bad night (7116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz
  Replies (12) Good night (726) Bad night (5050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/1lds
  Replies (12) Good night (722) Bad night (3753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints. http://tfl.nu/xoq4
  Replies (6) Good night (720) Bad night (4482)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (3202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday. http://tfl.nu/2gms
  Replies (7) Good night (690) Bad night (4307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away. http://tfl.nu/tzcp
  Replies (13) Good night (683) Bad night (4208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together. http://tfl.nu/59bc
  Replies (14) Good night (680) Bad night (3823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction http://tfl.nu/hb6q
  Replies (10) Good night (656) Bad night (4182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex? http://tfl.nu/y75a
  Replies (15) Good night (645) Bad night (4139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/a9zl
  Replies (41) Good night (630) Bad night (8917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now http://tfl.nu/xz0v
  Replies (8) Good night (618) Bad night (3618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (585) Bad night (4825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0
  Replies (11) Good night (563) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me. http://tfl.nu/jiov
  Replies (11) Good night (542) Bad night (2772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick. http://tfl.nu/phsi
  Replies (29) Good night (540) Bad night (6061)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces. http://tfl.nu/r2in
  Replies (32) Good night (536) Bad night (8357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise. http://tfl.nu/z4y1
  Replies (9) Good night (493) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes http://tfl.nu/5pzj
  Replies (7) Good night (475) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt