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I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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