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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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