Texts From Last Night

Daswaggatron's Favorites Texts:

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  (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

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  (940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk
  Replies (35) Good night (15370) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

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  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14467) Bad night (3219) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....

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  (317): I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up.... http://tfl.nu/s81o
  Replies (66) Good night (13002) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

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  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11606) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

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  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11085) Bad night (2078)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (7202) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

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  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (7119) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

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  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6422) Bad night (1296)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".

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  (843): she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights". http://tfl.nu/6efw
  Replies (10) Good night (6189) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5699) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer

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  (240): We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer http://tfl.nu/ersc
  Replies (69) Good night (5490) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

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  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (5123) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.

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  (317): Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/s8pf
  Replies (51) Good night (5017) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

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  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4742) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.

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  (405): So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day. http://tfl.nu/zflp
  Replies (21) Good night (4674) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (44) Good night (4636) Bad night (8294)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4353) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4247) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

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  (803): It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work. http://tfl.nu/kzvl
  Replies (26) Good night (4113) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

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  (707): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/fbru
  Replies (9) Good night (3506) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3380) Bad night (31163) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid

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  (443): He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid http://tfl.nu/u0xl
  Replies (18) Good night (3175) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

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  (253): girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends http://tfl.nu/xej0
  Replies (99) Good night (2737) Bad night (5662) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2179) Bad night (4435) Order T-Shirt
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  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

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  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (55) Good night (2051) Bad night (6346) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

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  (765): Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband? http://tfl.nu/o4li
  Replies (178) Good night (1642) Bad night (14408) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

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  (260): A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him http://tfl.nu/k8ud
  Replies (25) Good night (1503) Bad night (6390) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  worms taste like bacon by the way.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I always wondered what they tasted like.

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  (813): worms taste like bacon by the way. (1-813): I always wondered what they tasted like. http://tfl.nu/a7qy
  Replies (9) Good night (1200) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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  (765): Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis? http://tfl.nu/def9
  Replies (21) Good night (1038) Bad night (2966) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

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  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
  Replies (56) Good night (974) Bad night (5733) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

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  (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe
  Replies (27) Good night (882) Bad night (9531)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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  (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly http://tfl.nu/cj2d
  Replies (39) Good night (825) Bad night (10102) Order T-Shirt