Texts From Last Night

DaPrincess's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122232) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82815) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62702) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24672) Bad night (2676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (18601) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my mother just offered to pay for my fake id. http://tfl.nu/7t8s
  Replies (48) Good night (17108) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (82) Good night (16667) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14194) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (29) Good night (11769) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9300) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8403) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8394) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (21) Good night (8215) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7960) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (7830) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head? http://tfl.nu/r6cb
  Replies (20) Good night (7757) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7139) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7136) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7027) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7018) Bad night (46845)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again. http://tfl.nu/9jrz
  Replies (18) Good night (6975) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2
  Replies (13) Good night (6923) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans. http://tfl.nu/hk9w
  Replies (14) Good night (6917) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6730) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it http://tfl.nu/9xaf
  Replies (34) Good night (6701) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard". (202): Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded. http://tfl.nu/4upv
  Replies (39) Good night (6435) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6406) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night http://tfl.nu/y9ju
  Replies (23) Good night (6353) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6333) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g
  Replies (13) Good night (6225) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms.... http://tfl.nu/4wax
  Replies (33) Good night (6212) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6170) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (12) Good night (6119) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar. http://tfl.nu/vp4p
  Replies (7) Good night (5994) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (5962) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w
  Replies (12) Good night (5861) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5854) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester. http://tfl.nu/4eoz
  Replies (4) Good night (5806) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread. http://tfl.nu/5lzr
  Replies (33) Good night (5804) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5780) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks. http://tfl.nu/gf3t
  Replies (13) Good night (5729) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5727) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5480) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency. http://tfl.nu/gvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (5445) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (5441) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5351) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5308) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
  Replies (21) Good night (5267) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5243) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7
  Replies (15) Good night (5146) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5144) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5130) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month http://tfl.nu/ybux
  Replies (10) Good night (5119) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk? http://tfl.nu/idqr
  Replies (25) Good night (5110) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google.... http://tfl.nu/f2r9
  Replies (16) Good night (5108) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5099) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels. http://tfl.nu/rynp
  Replies (10) Good night (5043) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name? http://tfl.nu/f6w0
  Replies (13) Good night (4913) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me. http://tfl.nu/8ykb
  Replies (15) Good night (4888) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment. http://tfl.nu/sxji
  Replies (13) Good night (4875) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (4869) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting. http://tfl.nu/jzvn
  Replies (26) Good night (4865) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/qer2
  Replies (25) Good night (4782) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo
  Replies (59) Good night (4746) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (4653) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4570) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw
  Replies (11) Good night (4556) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4526) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/sr5n
  Replies (38) Good night (4501) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4462) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick" http://tfl.nu/5fi0
  Replies (13) Good night (4418) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine.. http://tfl.nu/247z
  Replies (8) Good night (4413) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said http://tfl.nu/s0mp
  Replies (21) Good night (4389) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (12) Good night (4377) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
  Replies (18) Good night (4361) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out. http://tfl.nu/zite
  Replies (19) Good night (4354) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later. http://tfl.nu/bbcr
  Replies (9) Good night (4334) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4279) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4247) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit http://tfl.nu/fjd7
  Replies (8) Good night (4185) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts. http://tfl.nu/ijh6
  Replies (14) Good night (4175) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise. http://tfl.nu/jq04
  Replies (8) Good night (4152) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage. http://tfl.nu/q50p
  Replies (17) Good night (4031) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Maybe....

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3
  Replies (82) Good night (3990) Bad night (4789)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high? http://tfl.nu/v2jv
  Replies (29) Good night (3859) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (116) Good night (3850) Bad night (34505)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3813) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass http://tfl.nu/vj6i
  Replies (17) Good night (3808) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys http://tfl.nu/nc2y
  Replies (20) Good night (3748) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Too many margaritas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog. (321): Too many margaritas? http://tfl.nu/18gt
  Replies (9) Good night (3728) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch? http://tfl.nu/432a
  Replies (38) Good night (3668) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3638) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday. http://tfl.nu/jjrt
  Replies (23) Good night (3574) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy. http://tfl.nu/3fjx
  Replies (19) Good night (3571) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood. http://tfl.nu/u9vs
  Replies (7) Good night (3544) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail. http://tfl.nu/99nr
  Replies (9) Good night (3452) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes. http://tfl.nu/y0td
  Replies (10) Good night (3259) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year. http://tfl.nu/847n
  Replies (8) Good night (3210) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3184) Bad night (11804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it http://tfl.nu/iwz3
  Replies (10) Good night (3153) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3060) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3059) Bad night (2954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made. http://tfl.nu/o1d2
  Replies (20) Good night (3057) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3028) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3012) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2715) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there. http://tfl.nu/ie6m
  Replies (8) Good night (2580) Bad night (1723)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you? http://tfl.nu/35zi
  Replies (12) Good night (2565) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/1yfv
  Replies (16) Good night (2551) Bad night (2443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
  Replies (17) Good night (2310) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone http://tfl.nu/koze
  Replies (36) Good night (2310) Bad night (4930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water http://tfl.nu/2dzm
  Replies (11) Good night (2156) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears. http://tfl.nu/pw7m
  Replies (41) Good night (2013) Bad night (4795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (1968) Bad night (4663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it http://tfl.nu/osby
  Replies (37) Good night (1958) Bad night (4850)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

  (914): View more from New York

  and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin (914): and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston http://tfl.nu/bnxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1845) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick. http://tfl.nu/84fo
  Replies (15) Good night (1760) Bad night (6249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1687) Bad night (14820)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick. http://tfl.nu/xsrx
  Replies (20) Good night (1558) Bad night (4582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night..... http://tfl.nu/buh9
  Replies (14) Good night (1478) Bad night (4449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall http://tfl.nu/7d2k
  Replies (18) Good night (1475) Bad night (3953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1395) Bad night (7290)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (117) Good night (1270) Bad night (43942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6
  Replies (7) Good night (1202) Bad night (2497)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food. http://tfl.nu/5ycb
  Replies (9) Good night (1197) Bad night (4060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now http://tfl.nu/184c
  Replies (45) Good night (1112) Bad night (7602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules http://tfl.nu/muds
  Replies (2) Good night (1098) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire. http://tfl.nu/oqcy
  Replies (12) Good night (1077) Bad night (4892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one http://tfl.nu/1wzf
  Replies (3) Good night (1055) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf http://tfl.nu/5frw
  Replies (28) Good night (1006) Bad night (6794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1
  Replies (14) Good night (987) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (890) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx
  Replies (16) Good night (889) Bad night (4828)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h
  Replies (18) Good night (888) Bad night (3851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (127) Good night (882) Bad night (33770)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (876) Bad night (3731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it. http://tfl.nu/xnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (848) Bad night (4257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again? http://tfl.nu/oao4
  Replies (19) Good night (807) Bad night (7179)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me. http://tfl.nu/gsfp
  Replies (18) Good night (785) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (778) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard. http://tfl.nu/avz2
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (2347)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring http://tfl.nu/hl5v
  Replies (13) Good night (738) Bad night (5687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/y207
  Replies (21) Good night (716) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now. http://tfl.nu/6a5q
  Replies (17) Good night (708) Bad night (3803)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like. (303): well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you http://tfl.nu/sccs
  Replies (12) Good night (705) Bad night (4334)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public http://tfl.nu/ux7y
  Replies (9) Good night (671) Bad night (3926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done. http://tfl.nu/pg78
  Replies (25) Good night (631) Bad night (6499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later. http://tfl.nu/dwy3
  Replies (34) Good night (618) Bad night (9126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You smell like a Billy Joel song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You smell like a Billy Joel song http://tfl.nu/8lk7
  Replies (7) Good night (605) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class. http://tfl.nu/ne6k
  Replies (7) Good night (600) Bad night (2374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not. http://tfl.nu/pe6e
  Replies (14) Good night (573) Bad night (3365)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up. http://tfl.nu/ner1
  Replies (17) Good night (489) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5
  Replies (9) Good night (480) Bad night (4012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me http://tfl.nu/7scv
  Replies (47) Good night (410) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it. http://tfl.nu/citx
  Replies (27) Good night (407) Bad night (1930)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf http://tfl.nu/sowb
  Replies (2) Good night (353) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously http://tfl.nu/rnuw
  Replies (9) Good night (334) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt