Texts From Last Night

wonttextback's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (3006) Bad night (14319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle. http://tfl.nu/b46q
  Replies (52) Good night (1779) Bad night (9985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (923) Bad night (8057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (92) Good night (2034) Bad night (7842)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going. http://tfl.nu/q9ws
  Replies (16) Good night (1331) Bad night (6631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54928) Bad night (6422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4858) Bad night (6195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave. http://tfl.nu/35vg
  Replies (26) Good night (1454) Bad night (6163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again. http://tfl.nu/gz8q
  Replies (22) Good night (1255) Bad night (6077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru". http://tfl.nu/gnr7
  Replies (26) Good night (1109) Bad night (5882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66
  Replies (40) Good night (1185) Bad night (5856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61
  Replies (9) Good night (1910) Bad night (5651)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2490) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now http://tfl.nu/563a
  Replies (12) Good night (1309) Bad night (4790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (1010) Bad night (4200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out. http://tfl.nu/mzmx
  Replies (7) Good night (935) Bad night (3938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana. http://tfl.nu/lih3
  Replies (23) Good night (1872) Bad night (3038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint. http://tfl.nu/r0bi
  Replies (25) Good night (5675) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it. http://tfl.nu/e9ge
  Replies (26) Good night (1901) Bad night (2714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (16570) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5783) Bad night (2571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (11132) Bad night (2395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (155) Good night (7910) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51577) Bad night (2262)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6421) Bad night (2217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10826) Bad night (2176)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4906) Bad night (2089)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (77) Good night (51903) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"?? http://tfl.nu/v3ie
  Replies (19) Good night (3155) Bad night (1998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'. http://tfl.nu/510f
  Replies (26) Good night (4995) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did. http://tfl.nu/3qcv
  Replies (7) Good night (7776) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem http://tfl.nu/lhco
  Replies (25) Good night (5220) Bad night (1944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7437) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0
  Replies (15) Good night (6443) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5718) Bad night (1781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors http://tfl.nu/k8g7
  Replies (8) Good night (5371) Bad night (1781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i
  Replies (11) Good night (4445) Bad night (1691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (13234) Bad night (1654)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6283) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/ev42
  Replies (22) Good night (5066) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (11672) Bad night (1603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (17457) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10310) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3415) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9587) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical. http://tfl.nu/pf93
  Replies (49) Good night (6160) Bad night (1551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (20276) Bad night (1531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (9428) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22298) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was. http://tfl.nu/57fr
  Replies (27) Good night (5936) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (9043) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4942) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp
  Replies (15) Good night (5161) Bad night (1476)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (50) Good night (12012) Bad night (1474)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore http://tfl.nu/9ffg
  Replies (16) Good night (3898) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (78) Good night (9453) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38535) Bad night (1467)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8527) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7737) Bad night (1415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head http://tfl.nu/52vv
  Replies (12) Good night (4661) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity. http://tfl.nu/x1wn
  Replies (25) Good night (4215) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (10376) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10184) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc
  Replies (30) Good night (11930) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore. http://tfl.nu/590e
  Replies (23) Good night (5989) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (8028) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6989) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6226) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14910) Bad night (1266)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy http://tfl.nu/s01j
  Replies (11) Good night (3919) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism. http://tfl.nu/fmul
  Replies (15) Good night (5690) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7
  Replies (13) Good night (5022) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (27343) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today http://tfl.nu/gkj4
  Replies (13) Good night (5204) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16333) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (25738) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came

  (323): View more from California

  i love that song!

  (818): View more from California

  NOT THE POINT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came (323): i love that song! (818): NOT THE POINT http://tfl.nu/7i6t
  Replies (19) Good night (7294) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5736) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (17592) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (42) Good night (8676) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12268) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26276) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
  Replies (5) Good night (4252) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man. http://tfl.nu/ikii
  Replies (36) Good night (4953) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn. http://tfl.nu/xmj5
  Replies (10) Good night (6129) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10740) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (17015) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You only like me because I'm a challenge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You already blew me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You only like me because I'm a challenge (201): You already blew me http://tfl.nu/s47q
  Replies (21) Good night (5964) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts. http://tfl.nu/2tox
  Replies (11) Good night (6229) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5570) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8402) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6359) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (74) Good night (40193) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6507) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/1fi2
  Replies (18) Good night (4975) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara..... http://tfl.nu/je0j
  Replies (17) Good night (5343) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10814) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song http://tfl.nu/pqc4
  Replies (20) Good night (3970) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11779) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13402) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7302) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8881) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin. http://tfl.nu/d7w8
  Replies (7) Good night (3882) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter http://tfl.nu/gfmg
  Replies (10) Good night (4138) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8652) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (8099) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12589) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5325) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25355) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8865) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame. http://tfl.nu/lek8
  Replies (6) Good night (3878) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2710) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5428) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6395) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest (248): If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does http://tfl.nu/2sf6
  Replies (10) Good night (7335) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9448) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate. http://tfl.nu/5lpe
  Replies (13) Good night (5844) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (7834) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6442) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4453) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (42) Good night (19855) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer... http://tfl.nu/lulm
  Replies (8) Good night (7194) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8798) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17482) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered. http://tfl.nu/02c6
  Replies (18) Good night (4303) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass http://tfl.nu/ujep
  Replies (36) Good night (8542) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone http://tfl.nu/7e7m
  Replies (13) Good night (5622) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias. http://tfl.nu/4ikl
  Replies (8) Good night (5785) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (9112) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (9143) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8900) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7841) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5287) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7128) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6662) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Mom wtf!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :) (1-407): Mom wtf!? http://tfl.nu/scw1
  Replies (33) Good night (5868) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (10243) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all. http://tfl.nu/qt2o
  Replies (13) Good night (4962) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17902) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6330) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12932) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11995) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/1jen
  Replies (12) Good night (6937) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (6246) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker

  (914): View more from New York

  Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker (914): Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high. http://tfl.nu/0o33
  Replies (7) Good night (3754) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5
  Replies (9) Good night (6478) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely
  Replies (80) Good night (14107) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (10056) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6364) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer http://tfl.nu/h8i3
  Replies (6) Good night (4166) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later" http://tfl.nu/6byl
  Replies (14) Good night (7324) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse. http://tfl.nu/5mjb
  Replies (8) Good night (4489) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8359) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4113) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6653) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (14) Good night (6180) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5555) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/20f3
  Replies (32) Good night (4751) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too http://tfl.nu/6mfg
  Replies (7) Good night (2799) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9552) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct (973): that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand (201): she's a dina-saur http://tfl.nu/b0aw
  Replies (32) Good night (5279) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night? http://tfl.nu/kz3y
  Replies (19) Good night (5320) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp
  Replies (35) Good night (11612) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before. http://tfl.nu/gqc0
  Replies (14) Good night (5897) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12402) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13355) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (10122) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5673) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7956) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb. http://tfl.nu/1cz1
  Replies (6) Good night (3311) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child. http://tfl.nu/h3yl
  Replies (22) Good night (3419) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (6073) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
  Replies (77) Good night (4566) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (8193) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (4865) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung. http://tfl.nu/lg9m
  Replies (18) Good night (4989) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8516) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit" http://tfl.nu/7x3l
  Replies (6) Good night (3112) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7652) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6386) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6647) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar.. http://tfl.nu/d5fi
  Replies (18) Good night (6666) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5624) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you" http://tfl.nu/44qj
  Replies (14) Good night (7023) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
  Replies (24) Good night (7423) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again. http://tfl.nu/2zep
  Replies (1) Good night (3107) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8507) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10669) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (8808) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense. http://tfl.nu/wj9q
  Replies (23) Good night (7588) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (6157) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (6238) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5882) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7917) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies. http://tfl.nu/eijo
  Replies (20) Good night (7839) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air. http://tfl.nu/d5pp
  Replies (10) Good night (4348) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (11038) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites. http://tfl.nu/811n
  Replies (10) Good night (4798) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf http://tfl.nu/c2bo
  Replies (47) Good night (6782) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9372) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule. http://tfl.nu/eokl
  Replies (28) Good night (3584) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i just identified you from a description of your pipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i just identified you from a description of your pipe http://tfl.nu/awfe
  Replies (13) Good night (5043) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom? http://tfl.nu/rbqh
  Replies (20) Good night (5878) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6617) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes http://tfl.nu/4b4j
  Replies (16) Good night (7743) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze. http://tfl.nu/xfyl
  Replies (25) Good night (4451) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin http://tfl.nu/b3ck
  Replies (18) Good night (4122) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I am the sex elephant in the room. Again. http://tfl.nu/d7uz
  Replies (5) Good night (969) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt