Texts From Last Night

molotov222's Favorites Texts:

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..

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  (248): Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced.. http://tfl.nu/34jd
  Replies (21) Good night (1075) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.

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  (+44): I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye. http://tfl.nu/9vv3
  Replies (5) Good night (1308) Bad night (1679)
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  (707): View more from California

  Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth

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  (707): Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth http://tfl.nu/or2s
  Replies (17) Good night (407) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  If this party got busted it would be an improvement

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  (928): If this party got busted it would be an improvement http://tfl.nu/vaa5
  Replies (7) Good night (441) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.

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  (914): We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome. http://tfl.nu/vs6k
  Replies (9) Good night (786) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!

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  (831): He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?! http://tfl.nu/h0ux
  Replies (20) Good night (454) Bad night (1053)
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  (510): View more from California

  Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.

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  (510): Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism. http://tfl.nu/z92b
  Replies (13) Good night (1706) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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  (404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (424): View more from California

  Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.

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  (424): Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus. http://tfl.nu/3sel
  Replies (10) Good night (1866) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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  (310): Just called the consul general of France "dude" http://tfl.nu/uwot
  Replies (7) Good night (2118) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.

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  (337): Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell? (913): I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space. http://tfl.nu/aqjc
  Replies (16) Good night (2220) Bad night (541)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.

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  (541): I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true. http://tfl.nu/xlw0
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.

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  (978): I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground. http://tfl.nu/oy4l
  Replies (5) Good night (1539) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH

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  (973): he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH http://tfl.nu/asic
  Replies (8) Good night (1022) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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  (870): Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. http://tfl.nu/y3t4
  Replies (9) Good night (1141) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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  (215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40
  Replies (2) Good night (995) Bad night (454)
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  (626): View more from California

  We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40

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  (626): We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40 http://tfl.nu/yjln
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (404)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.

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  (973): Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms. http://tfl.nu/spzh
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK

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  (248): THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK http://tfl.nu/8so3
  Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.

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  (260): The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9ser
  Replies (4) Good night (1405) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.

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  (775): True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/jwe6
  Replies (8) Good night (938) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.

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  (440): Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved. http://tfl.nu/v30q
  Replies (3) Good night (1527) Bad night (366)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
  Replies (5) Good night (783) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  Why don't we hang out more often?

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  (940): I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2. (1-940): Why don't we hang out more often? http://tfl.nu/7whw
  Replies (8) Good night (1035) Bad night (347)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
  Replies (6) Good night (1143) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt