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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
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