Texts From Last Night

jinja's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever. http://tfl.nu/u669
  Replies (18) Good night (1030) Bad night (7302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine http://tfl.nu/5fcf
  Replies (32) Good night (2317) Bad night (7008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1700) Bad night (6358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose http://tfl.nu/q51l
  Replies (51) Good night (1581) Bad night (6355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (3152) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (957) Bad night (5476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1297) Bad night (5147)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1520) Bad night (5094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I don't even know why I got my vag waxed

  (786): View more from Florida

  Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I don't even know why I got my vag waxed (786): Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed. http://tfl.nu/dtgr
  Replies (25) Good night (708) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Maybe....

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3
  Replies (82) Good night (4229) Bad night (4985)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that http://tfl.nu/oz0t
  Replies (5) Good night (702) Bad night (4355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat? http://tfl.nu/2nrh
  Replies (30) Good night (1061) Bad night (4069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch. (484): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/5i11
  Replies (29) Good night (1289) Bad night (4011)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/s0dr
  Replies (10) Good night (753) Bad night (3961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (203) Good night (44719) Bad night (3915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14463) Bad night (3213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8666) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
  Replies (15) Good night (1081) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim
  Replies (17) Good night (1532) Bad night (2669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51231) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (720) Bad night (2363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present? http://tfl.nu/b6gp
  Replies (27) Good night (4287) Bad night (2031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46413) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4792) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6508) Bad night (1920)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (17135) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60841) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut
  Replies (65) Good night (5085) Bad night (1788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40129) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5959) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table http://tfl.nu/1eyi
  Replies (5) Good night (2621) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on http://tfl.nu/ommd
  Replies (31) Good night (3978) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6702) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (67) Good night (25468) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser http://tfl.nu/r42a
  Replies (30) Good night (10599) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7305) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5644) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7394) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6599) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (11383) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls.. http://tfl.nu/aren
  Replies (5) Good night (2444) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
  Replies (34) Good night (5781) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps. http://tfl.nu/w1cf
  Replies (37) Good night (5938) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship. http://tfl.nu/de5k
  Replies (22) Good night (6851) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES. http://tfl.nu/638m
  Replies (15) Good night (2718) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5064) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5779) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking http://tfl.nu/fefy
  Replies (39) Good night (7379) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17481) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic http://tfl.nu/vj27
  Replies (10) Good night (4530) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (22) Good night (6873) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11226) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/0we4
  Replies (20) Good night (4887) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6190) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6446) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I demand visitation hours with the duck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I demand visitation hours with the duck. http://tfl.nu/cyd2
  Replies (10) Good night (4135) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired http://tfl.nu/suui
  Replies (19) Good night (3273) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8670) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (47) Good night (10020) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12415) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (6240) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13880) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
  Replies (9) Good night (4951) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are margaritas in the freezer still.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life. (512): There are margaritas in the freezer still. http://tfl.nu/0xfi
  Replies (16) Good night (5296) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (5728) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (7045) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6
  Replies (23) Good night (6962) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober. http://tfl.nu/pncu
  Replies (2) Good night (2904) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/plkd
  Replies (1) Good night (4842) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10385) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake http://tfl.nu/gu5i
  Replies (11) Good night (4691) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin' http://tfl.nu/fw6c
  Replies (37) Good night (6189) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos http://tfl.nu/qrbd
  Replies (11) Good night (4532) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making http://tfl.nu/k24g
  Replies (4) Good night (4427) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  "fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): "fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house...... http://tfl.nu/xvur
  Replies (8) Good night (3781) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you. http://tfl.nu/ijol
  Replies (22) Good night (3647) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8mdh
  Replies (4) Good night (3365) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (24) Good night (7219) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves. http://tfl.nu/q9n8
  Replies (26) Good night (4663) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (7197) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron. http://tfl.nu/xifm
  Replies (4) Good night (2011) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7733) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead. http://tfl.nu/caf0
  Replies (6) Good night (4002) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk http://tfl.nu/o6oo
  Replies (63) Good night (9319) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  My brain says no but my pants say off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): My brain says no but my pants say off. http://tfl.nu/syce
  Replies (7) Good night (4900) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it http://tfl.nu/0her
  Replies (11) Good night (5332) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you. http://tfl.nu/2p1b
  Replies (8) Good night (4470) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (8777) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt