Texts From Last Night

jeaniec's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick. http://tfl.nu/e6nk
  Replies (29) Good night (1059) Bad night (5844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/191q
  Replies (18) Good night (709) Bad night (5264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
  Replies (20) Good night (2810) Bad night (4619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thanks, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway. (1-202): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/107n
  Replies (25) Good night (1715) Bad night (4312)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (738) Bad night (3731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/prj3
  Replies (11) Good night (723) Bad night (3427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd
  Replies (26) Good night (1569) Bad night (3241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. http://tfl.nu/ltby
  Replies (27) Good night (902) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas. http://tfl.nu/o5tw
  Replies (13) Good night (970) Bad night (2779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye. http://tfl.nu/5hfu
  Replies (20) Good night (1327) Bad night (2729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean http://tfl.nu/rm0w
  Replies (17) Good night (1314) Bad night (2596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough. http://tfl.nu/zxfj
  Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (2512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds http://tfl.nu/1rag
  Replies (5) Good night (1146) Bad night (2354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him. http://tfl.nu/1qyh
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (2292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up http://tfl.nu/rljs
  Replies (2) Good night (834) Bad night (2199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen http://tfl.nu/glfa
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (2079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME http://tfl.nu/jm4f
  Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one? http://tfl.nu/9wky
  Replies (13) Good night (1158) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3325) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully. http://tfl.nu/j9yb
  Replies (9) Good night (3336) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (3807) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2409) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy
  Replies (6) Good night (2005) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (6811) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk http://tfl.nu/69zw
  Replies (2) Good night (1672) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2361) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
  Replies (21) Good night (6993) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (2985) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago. http://tfl.nu/0eob
  Replies (16) Good night (4281) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class. http://tfl.nu/2kxo
  Replies (11) Good night (4389) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for. http://tfl.nu/1pjy
  Replies (13) Good night (3716) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die... http://tfl.nu/7pmw
  Replies (10) Good night (3014) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  haha i know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt. (1-406): haha i know http://tfl.nu/vo1w
  Replies (21) Good night (7491) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night http://tfl.nu/9n0e
  Replies (8) Good night (5189) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions.. http://tfl.nu/v6no
  Replies (2) Good night (1783) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy http://tfl.nu/xazq
  Replies (18) Good night (8488) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (2977) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one. http://tfl.nu/8bgn
  Replies (3) Good night (2919) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable. http://tfl.nu/t0un
  Replies (4) Good night (2229) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Did we literally take a cab across the street

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Did we literally take a cab across the street http://tfl.nu/hdnq
  Replies (10) Good night (3329) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/nzx6
  Replies (15) Good night (4846) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night. http://tfl.nu/8jcd
  Replies (12) Good night (1968) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together... http://tfl.nu/sic1
  Replies (13) Good night (4883) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (957): View more from

  I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (957): I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day. http://tfl.nu/42ia
  Replies (9) Good night (5635) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz
  Replies (8) Good night (1869) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (20) Good night (3669) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy
  Replies (10) Good night (6260) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker http://tfl.nu/9orb
  Replies (6) Good night (1992) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings http://tfl.nu/z81c
  Replies (13) Good night (3589) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th http://tfl.nu/jcqw
  Replies (5) Good night (2540) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop http://tfl.nu/jz1j
  Replies (8) Good night (2885) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1583) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes. http://tfl.nu/hbc7
  Replies (8) Good night (3061) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (1921) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult. http://tfl.nu/s4nn
  Replies (8) Good night (2783) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15 http://tfl.nu/scbj
  Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/53hk
  Replies (7) Good night (3713) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy! http://tfl.nu/mmzc
  Replies (6) Good night (2742) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME http://tfl.nu/slem
  Replies (5) Good night (4081) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw http://tfl.nu/7d00
  Replies (5) Good night (3393) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/lmrm
  Replies (10) Good night (2863) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out. http://tfl.nu/a31o
  Replies (12) Good night (4941) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry. http://tfl.nu/0y0u
  Replies (8) Good night (2460) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/28bg
  Replies (18) Good night (6424) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job. http://tfl.nu/4wpv
  Replies (10) Good night (3482) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (10) Good night (5264) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2151) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. http://tfl.nu/y7ij
  Replies (6) Good night (3014) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you. http://tfl.nu/aqxp
  Replies (3) Good night (2273) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault http://tfl.nu/ovjn
  Replies (4) Good night (2763) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (2923) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner. http://tfl.nu/dvnd
  Replies (13) Good night (4190) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far. http://tfl.nu/eadn
  Replies (13) Good night (3368) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/3owz
  Replies (9) Good night (2475) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice. http://tfl.nu/vxzt
  Replies (3) Good night (2023) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear. http://tfl.nu/lhty
  Replies (4) Good night (3148) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3536) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (3106) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills. http://tfl.nu/rh2h
  Replies (5) Good night (2510) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now http://tfl.nu/70jp
  Replies (2) Good night (2731) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday http://tfl.nu/mihk
  Replies (3) Good night (1975) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her. http://tfl.nu/xqm6
  Replies (7) Good night (4818) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk http://tfl.nu/rn5q
  Replies (4) Good night (2417) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together (770): The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy http://tfl.nu/sw3w
  Replies (7) Good night (2766) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9
  Replies (2) Good night (1396) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious http://tfl.nu/m6oe
  Replies (9) Good night (4251) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school. http://tfl.nu/ngpq
  Replies (4) Good night (3211) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor http://tfl.nu/4crz
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt