Texts From Last Night

carwuvvsyou's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5998) Bad night (67490)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (268) Good night (3335) Bad night (66315)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (98) Good night (3102) Bad night (64623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (127) Good night (6876) Bad night (59114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (3997) Bad night (52306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7018) Bad night (46845)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (155) Good night (1773) Bad night (34547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (175) Good night (1646) Bad night (27406)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1164) Bad night (18745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (933) Bad night (16696)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong? http://tfl.nu/9q3v
  Replies (169) Good night (4615) Bad night (16414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2758) Bad night (14581)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1089) Bad night (13952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (1662) Bad night (13474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
  Replies (31) Good night (1027) Bad night (11409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza. http://tfl.nu/ks5u
  Replies (31) Good night (624) Bad night (11174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1
  Replies (47) Good night (2380) Bad night (10770)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (1766) Bad night (9643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud
  Replies (49) Good night (1876) Bad night (8960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (902) Bad night (8726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y
  Replies (85) Good night (2480) Bad night (8707)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  didn't feel it. :)

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wait what? so it's not in america?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning (1-217): didn't feel it. :) (217): It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't. (1-217): wait what? so it's not in america? http://tfl.nu/0q24
  Replies (65) Good night (874) Bad night (8267)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it. http://tfl.nu/1896
  Replies (22) Good night (648) Bad night (7979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more. http://tfl.nu/2mzd
  Replies (16) Good night (1073) Bad night (7447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night http://tfl.nu/u1r5
  Replies (29) Good night (1615) Bad night (6894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (1993) Bad night (6850)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole. http://tfl.nu/0fwa
  Replies (34) Good night (1448) Bad night (6827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i'm in his phone as sushi coochie http://tfl.nu/9tzp
  Replies (30) Good night (811) Bad night (6436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1507) Bad night (6398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown http://tfl.nu/5h35
  Replies (14) Good night (564) Bad night (6215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high http://tfl.nu/9wko
  Replies (23) Good night (989) Bad night (6197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  my dad is going to jail this weekend

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  where are we going to get our weed from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): my dad is going to jail this weekend (1-602): where are we going to get our weed from? http://tfl.nu/lw00
  Replies (22) Good night (1937) Bad night (6179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1152) Bad night (6107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/xhhe
  Replies (25) Good night (795) Bad night (5955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (578): View more from

  drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn
  Replies (14) Good night (757) Bad night (5942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
  Replies (25) Good night (665) Bad night (5781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1248) Bad night (5714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life. http://tfl.nu/k4q7
  Replies (33) Good night (675) Bad night (5515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (354) Bad night (5513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful? http://tfl.nu/fnv5
  Replies (21) Good night (530) Bad night (5483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know. http://tfl.nu/4052
  Replies (16) Good night (918) Bad night (5447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/wlva
  Replies (19) Good night (960) Bad night (5355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (5234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (1875) Bad night (5192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1136) Bad night (5110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i
  Replies (15) Good night (878) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128189) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d
  Replies (28) Good night (952) Bad night (4949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good http://tfl.nu/q5pn
  Replies (15) Good night (1098) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more http://tfl.nu/wtn6
  Replies (18) Good night (1200) Bad night (4713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"? http://tfl.nu/mnqg
  Replies (13) Good night (851) Bad night (4707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick. http://tfl.nu/h0yf
  Replies (18) Good night (1063) Bad night (4670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs. http://tfl.nu/yiw2
  Replies (12) Good night (916) Bad night (4667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf
  Replies (20) Good night (821) Bad night (4368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy (1-713): well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE" http://tfl.nu/3bep
  Replies (11) Good night (973) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1007) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  he is a creepy guy.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  yea thats what heroine does to ppl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): he is a creepy guy. (1-937): yea thats what heroine does to ppl. http://tfl.nu/28ly
  Replies (14) Good night (614) Bad night (3868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76747) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break. http://tfl.nu/iu19
  Replies (13) Good night (1028) Bad night (3752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edrh
  Replies (13) Good night (826) Bad night (3746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (1965) Bad night (3668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39830) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62701) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124227) Bad night (3442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later." http://tfl.nu/4lz3
  Replies (14) Good night (2119) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43647) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix http://tfl.nu/hrwb
  Replies (21) Good night (644) Bad night (2833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6053) Bad night (2774)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/ubfv
  Replies (8) Good night (1560) Bad night (2722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i think i recognize dicks better than faces

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): i think i recognize dicks better than faces http://tfl.nu/zcpp
  Replies (56) Good night (3622) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself http://tfl.nu/m9eg
  Replies (4) Good night (432) Bad night (2569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82698) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5235) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am. http://tfl.nu/2854
  Replies (26) Good night (308) Bad night (2371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6288) Bad night (2307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule. http://tfl.nu/edaa
  Replies (10) Good night (3849) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (10749) Bad night (2189)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10363) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.

  (916): View more from California

  It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige. (320): Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop. (916): It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area. http://tfl.nu/1pkh
  Replies (28) Good night (1315) Bad night (2120)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (42) Good night (8909) Bad night (2039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner. http://tfl.nu/49va
  Replies (19) Good night (5066) Bad night (1920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28720) Bad night (1861)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started http://tfl.nu/zumk
  Replies (54) Good night (6764) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (45) Good night (45521) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him. http://tfl.nu/oqtn
  Replies (54) Good night (11800) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5561) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties. http://tfl.nu/ddyo
  Replies (21) Good night (5951) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
  Replies (43) Good night (7434) Bad night (1587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy. http://tfl.nu/ar0z
  Replies (21) Good night (4346) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs http://tfl.nu/sqwd
  Replies (32) Good night (9599) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action. http://tfl.nu/m88z
  Replies (26) Good night (5328) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9035) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10148) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17737) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5262) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8414) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36283) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (44) Good night (7972) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Stop trying to talk to my friends!!

  (1-845): View more from New York

  then get some ugly ones...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Stop trying to talk to my friends!! (1-845): then get some ugly ones... http://tfl.nu/5xvc
  Replies (18) Good night (5818) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way http://tfl.nu/nq2f
  Replies (26) Good night (5382) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6184) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (7942) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6295) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (6896) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9226) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (11893) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41863) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class http://tfl.nu/k0s2
  Replies (23) Good night (4232) Bad night (1184)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (7824) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor. http://tfl.nu/klg7
  Replies (5) Good night (3623) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9389) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong http://tfl.nu/5qbx
  Replies (15) Good night (6081) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm watching ellen!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I'm watching ellen! (1-615): just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show http://tfl.nu/chlu
  Replies (12) Good night (10777) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how to spell recollection?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there (412): You know how to spell recollection? http://tfl.nu/3vjh
  Replies (16) Good night (5157) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg
  Replies (14) Good night (4234) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. http://tfl.nu/dymp
  Replies (56) Good night (7595) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon http://tfl.nu/eqby
  Replies (5) Good night (4628) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people. http://tfl.nu/oty8
  Replies (46) Good night (6928) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp
  Replies (16) Good night (5552) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (5994) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon. http://tfl.nu/l4la
  Replies (25) Good night (6357) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16989) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop http://tfl.nu/vzd0
  Replies (78) Good night (4346) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6517) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7578) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation http://tfl.nu/w8jm
  Replies (74) Good night (7263) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good. http://tfl.nu/28dw
  Replies (16) Good night (4811) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (19270) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point... http://tfl.nu/zj6y
  Replies (17) Good night (8290) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners... http://tfl.nu/4h9y
  Replies (40) Good night (3479) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Reggie can tackle my bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Reggie can tackle my bush. http://tfl.nu/9r8z
  Replies (32) Good night (4085) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg
  Replies (22) Good night (6424) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break http://tfl.nu/l0jq
  Replies (19) Good night (5001) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there. http://tfl.nu/dxiw
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/goyi
  Replies (22) Good night (7396) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8497) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life. http://tfl.nu/ab1p
  Replies (87) Good night (7039) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time. http://tfl.nu/in1x
  Replies (15) Good night (4107) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle
  Replies (20) Good night (10039) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/tskr
  Replies (44) Good night (7993) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store http://tfl.nu/shho
  Replies (12) Good night (3640) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me." http://tfl.nu/vao0
  Replies (16) Good night (2970) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
  Replies (34) Good night (5612) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!? http://tfl.nu/85fy
  Replies (17) Good night (9108) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5564) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17260) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5408) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj
  Replies (12) Good night (5246) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (10896) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5182) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life. http://tfl.nu/71wd
  Replies (25) Good night (12287) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport? (1-847): It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok. http://tfl.nu/wou3
  Replies (30) Good night (4519) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex. http://tfl.nu/07s4
  Replies (9) Good night (3299) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate. http://tfl.nu/5lpe
  Replies (13) Good night (5647) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/s17l
  Replies (11) Good night (5305) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over http://tfl.nu/ocfj
  Replies (14) Good night (7089) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7362) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/6ugt
  Replies (56) Good night (8527) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday. http://tfl.nu/h79n
  Replies (10) Good night (3995) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (6948) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen http://tfl.nu/1apt
  Replies (44) Good night (7674) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4365) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there. http://tfl.nu/1912
  Replies (7) Good night (5851) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (6630) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8635) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  go get him tiger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun" (1-312): go get him tiger. http://tfl.nu/5kmx
  Replies (17) Good night (4598) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wsrg
  Replies (16) Good night (3539) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4660) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10761) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy. http://tfl.nu/6xxv
  Replies (25) Good night (8019) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (8854) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it. http://tfl.nu/vp9s
  Replies (19) Good night (5640) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over? http://tfl.nu/p1bn
  Replies (14) Good night (4315) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu
  Replies (22) Good night (5557) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7899) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high. http://tfl.nu/lc86
  Replies (36) Good night (6261) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis. http://tfl.nu/t0tt
  Replies (3) Good night (3089) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1
  Replies (17) Good night (6373) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6357) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/vppz
  Replies (13) Good night (5596) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired http://tfl.nu/suui
  Replies (19) Good night (3120) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding. http://tfl.nu/4b44
  Replies (16) Good night (7942) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2
  Replies (12) Good night (5196) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (8740) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jd33
  Replies (39) Good night (5291) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/3ucb
  Replies (16) Good night (5211) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants? http://tfl.nu/rwj9
  Replies (12) Good night (5791) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x
  Replies (16) Good night (5713) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties. http://tfl.nu/xw7t
  Replies (9) Good night (4601) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em. http://tfl.nu/70jy
  Replies (35) Good night (6342) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long. http://tfl.nu/t49w
  Replies (7) Good night (3398) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids. http://tfl.nu/zjz8
  Replies (6) Good night (7166) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5373) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day. http://tfl.nu/d5nb
  Replies (27) Good night (7407) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed. http://tfl.nu/f3bu
  Replies (14) Good night (4484) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/p50o
  Replies (10) Good night (4499) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country. http://tfl.nu/x6hu
  Replies (33) Good night (5569) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6107) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (5863) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems http://tfl.nu/opwd
  Replies (19) Good night (4136) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6712) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg
  Replies (20) Good night (7684) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor http://tfl.nu/m26k
  Replies (14) Good night (5267) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament http://tfl.nu/u7ze
  Replies (23) Good night (2998) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before. http://tfl.nu/gqc0
  Replies (14) Good night (5665) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week. http://tfl.nu/8afy
  Replies (6) Good night (3819) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible. http://tfl.nu/zom5
  Replies (14) Good night (7385) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true http://tfl.nu/pl0k
  Replies (23) Good night (3955) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12019) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  probs a good idea

  (207): View more from Maine

  i like the whole idea of life and being alive

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  you sure you're not high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea (1-207): probs a good idea (207): i like the whole idea of life and being alive (1-207): you sure you're not high? http://tfl.nu/e7l1
  Replies (29) Good night (5483) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (6032) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/9dex
  Replies (24) Good night (4117) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6573) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8222) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach. http://tfl.nu/7gys
  Replies (15) Good night (6418) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti
  Replies (42) Good night (9681) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying http://tfl.nu/e8oi
  Replies (10) Good night (7532) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green. http://tfl.nu/6tsm
  Replies (25) Good night (6277) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27270) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4
  Replies (15) Good night (5157) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7206) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1
  Replies (52) Good night (4214) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas
  Replies (21) Good night (2922) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips. http://tfl.nu/1ir1
  Replies (10) Good night (5959) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6197) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij
  Replies (25) Good night (6961) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (6975) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9508) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do. http://tfl.nu/h9wr
  Replies (6) Good night (3507) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8278) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7606) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back. http://tfl.nu/2rvp
  Replies (23) Good night (6855) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this? http://tfl.nu/q6uf
  Replies (44) Good night (6093) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (26) Good night (9719) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college. http://tfl.nu/379h
  Replies (44) Good night (3967) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows http://tfl.nu/02lq
  Replies (8) Good night (3691) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious. http://tfl.nu/m393
  Replies (15) Good night (6583) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left. http://tfl.nu/3pzj
  Replies (9) Good night (7214) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink. http://tfl.nu/4c2j
  Replies (39) Good night (5304) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I heard we made out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I heard we made out http://tfl.nu/5m1y
  Replies (8) Good night (3581) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval http://tfl.nu/opwb
  Replies (7) Good night (6772) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
  Replies (5) Good night (1846) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7525) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Happy St. Patrick's Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen.... (508): Happy St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/t6ex
  Replies (2) Good night (3009) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4310) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks! http://tfl.nu/xdy8
  Replies (7) Good night (941) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better http://tfl.nu/1sqs
  Replies (21) Good night (3074) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii http://tfl.nu/9rj5
  Replies (19) Good night (6232) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d
  Replies (7) Good night (1177) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll
  Replies (17) Good night (2904) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (33) Good night (7089) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa
  Replies (33) Good night (4164) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
  Replies (39) Good night (6594) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera http://tfl.nu/scvo
  Replies (10) Good night (2718) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  details please.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life. (1-317): details please. (317): they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first." http://tfl.nu/d384
  Replies (61) Good night (4979) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting http://tfl.nu/4np3
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt