Texts From Last Night

cakersina's Favorites Texts:

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

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  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (17) Good night (1739) Bad night (6473) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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  (813): Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again. http://tfl.nu/0xdw
  Replies (14) Good night (658) Bad night (4172) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me

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  (907): i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me http://tfl.nu/rubg
  Replies (50) Good night (819) Bad night (3496) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.

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  (213): I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing. http://tfl.nu/4hkr
  Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (2270) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.

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  (603): Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case. http://tfl.nu/luz6
  Replies (18) Good night (991) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  RIP Mr Bojangles.

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  (910): In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic. (919): RIP Mr Bojangles. http://tfl.nu/00j7
  Replies (13) Good night (1047) Bad night (1982)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?

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  (808): Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide. (1-808): Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway? http://tfl.nu/exam
  Replies (4) Good night (1214) Bad night (1727)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

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  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5712) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

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  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10589) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.

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  (413): Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night. http://tfl.nu/jhax
  Replies (4) Good night (654) Bad night (1540)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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  (217): So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world. http://tfl.nu/kbv9
  Replies (18) Good night (2330) Bad night (1489) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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  (414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f
  Replies (5) Good night (3796) Bad night (1485)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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  (503): I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job. http://tfl.nu/hof0
  Replies (15) Good night (2835) Bad night (1419) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
  Replies (21) Good night (5643) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

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  (225): I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left. http://tfl.nu/d68g
  Replies (24) Good night (3390) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (995) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.

  (1+44): View more from

  I regret nothing

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  (+44): you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop. (1+44): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/8vxi
  Replies (3) Good night (2699) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

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  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (20) Good night (9088) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

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  (408): I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/0k63
  Replies (17) Good night (2878) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's inspiring.

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  (910): All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day... (910): It's inspiring. http://tfl.nu/vfb2
  Replies (13) Good night (3284) Bad night (1153)
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  (310): View more from California

  If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

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  (310): If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement? http://tfl.nu/kphp
  Replies (6) Good night (5149) Bad night (1128)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.

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  (210): I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time. http://tfl.nu/1zig
  Replies (23) Good night (4871) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

  (941): View more from Florida

  it was a krispy kreme

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  (609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743
  Replies (15) Good night (4890) Bad night (1056)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

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  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7999) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

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  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7915) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

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  (908): We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" http://tfl.nu/fs29
  Replies (11) Good night (3726) Bad night (951)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

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  (313): Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill http://tfl.nu/vbjy
  Replies (8) Good night (2550) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  God gave him joint rollers for hands

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  (661): God gave him joint rollers for hands http://tfl.nu/1evx
  Replies (10) Good night (2999) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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  (303): Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call. http://tfl.nu/oew3
  Replies (5) Good night (3265) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

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  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (14) Good night (8208) Bad night (805)
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  (209): View more from California

  Show him your tits if he says no

  (1-209): View more from California

  They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

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  (209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62
  Replies (8) Good night (1963) Bad night (790)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

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  (610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can http://tfl.nu/8h8s
  Replies (17) Good night (6060) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

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  (603): i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war http://tfl.nu/r6ab
  Replies (12) Good night (3973) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.

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  (662): As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom. http://tfl.nu/d15a
  Replies (15) Good night (2186) Bad night (736)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20

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  (651): I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20 http://tfl.nu/s3lf
  Replies (3) Good night (1971) Bad night (735)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.

  (407): View more from Florida

  yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.

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  (813): his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call. (407): yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/agts
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (733)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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  (519): sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass. http://tfl.nu/vgdt
  Replies (5) Good night (2418) Bad night (711)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.

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  (609): don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not. http://tfl.nu/y8qj
  Replies (7) Good night (1214) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2364) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

  (679): View more from Michigan

  I wanted to be a dolphin.

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  (717): You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it.., (679): I wanted to be a dolphin. http://tfl.nu/th6t
  Replies (10) Good night (4996) Bad night (664)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children

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  (248): The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children http://tfl.nu/7xpu
  Replies (6) Good night (4232) Bad night (661)
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  (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

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  (949): I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/3tox
  Replies (6) Good night (1814) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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  (586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me. http://tfl.nu/23ps
  Replies (8) Good night (3895) Bad night (637)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  I just wanted to decorate you...

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  (269): It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair. (1-269): I just wanted to decorate you... http://tfl.nu/gax7
  Replies (8) Good night (3348) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

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  (614): God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend. http://tfl.nu/1ak5
  Replies (9) Good night (1569) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.

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  (412): My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out. http://tfl.nu/7oni
  Replies (15) Good night (2387) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.

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  (256): I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK. http://tfl.nu/2pqx
  Replies (3) Good night (2174) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.

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  (314): I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio. http://tfl.nu/grri
  Replies (9) Good night (1890) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.

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  (309): I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you. http://tfl.nu/n7q4
  Replies (3) Good night (1814) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...

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  (757): i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ... http://tfl.nu/nc8q
  Replies (19) Good night (2009) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1465) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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  (314): Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won http://tfl.nu/r5as
  Replies (6) Good night (3365) Bad night (550)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.

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  (703): I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding. http://tfl.nu/inbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1785) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
  Replies (11) Good night (2075) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?

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  (717): I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman? http://tfl.nu/8vyd
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here

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  (225): Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here http://tfl.nu/v34u
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.

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  (203): you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class (1-203): why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday. http://tfl.nu/0z2t
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.

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  (631): I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again. http://tfl.nu/8i97
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