Texts From Last Night

StoneColdM's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8265) Bad night (23693)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z
  Replies (86) Good night (1347) Bad night (23156)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3762) Bad night (17773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame. http://tfl.nu/e3aq
  Replies (13) Good night (497) Bad night (3235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9651) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck. http://tfl.nu/ppsw
  Replies (10) Good night (856) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are. http://tfl.nu/35z0
  Replies (4) Good night (812) Bad night (1353)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice. http://tfl.nu/i4j5
  Replies (2) Good night (1322) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts

  (1-631): View more from New York

  Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts (1-631): Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships? http://tfl.nu/5hoq
  Replies (19) Good night (1992) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10935) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5207) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out. http://tfl.nu/chur
  Replies (10) Good night (3976) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8
  Replies (40) Good night (5249) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship http://tfl.nu/q3ik
  Replies (3) Good night (2473) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7990) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3153) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning. http://tfl.nu/4pom
  Replies (17) Good night (2575) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent. http://tfl.nu/3146
  Replies (20) Good night (2173) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2585) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless. http://tfl.nu/cdoe
  Replies (9) Good night (2884) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky
  Replies (16) Good night (2491) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina. (978): Thats a chance were just gonna have to take http://tfl.nu/hpgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1610) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring http://tfl.nu/ljb6
  Replies (10) Good night (2674) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine http://tfl.nu/bvyx
  Replies (12) Good night (2083) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard. http://tfl.nu/rl99
  Replies (9) Good night (2258) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (31) Good night (8062) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart http://tfl.nu/w4xp
  Replies (7) Good night (1824) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight. http://tfl.nu/a50k
  Replies (7) Good night (2817) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slow clapped the stripper last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You slow clapped the stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/fdwr
  Replies (4) Good night (2915) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2288) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen. http://tfl.nu/nu81
  Replies (6) Good night (2140) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!! http://tfl.nu/u5h8
  Replies (14) Good night (2212) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2332) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked. http://tfl.nu/ufr2
  Replies (3) Good night (3125) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt