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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
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