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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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