Texts From Last Night

Laurennniscool's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (175) Good night (1646) Bad night (27406)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1386) Bad night (9928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke." http://tfl.nu/rseq
  Replies (48) Good night (1035) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
  Replies (72) Good night (641) Bad night (8566)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You spelled "worthless" wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note. (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong. http://tfl.nu/nbo3
  Replies (66) Good night (1243) Bad night (8213)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning. http://tfl.nu/x67v
  Replies (42) Good night (572) Bad night (7920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast http://tfl.nu/q9sr
  Replies (26) Good night (920) Bad night (7224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1097) Bad night (7107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at... http://tfl.nu/sgdp
  Replies (44) Good night (539) Bad night (7080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1007) Bad night (6592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (716) Bad night (6569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (655) Bad night (6546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night http://tfl.nu/0bmo
  Replies (20) Good night (808) Bad night (6488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (5845) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (934) Bad night (6385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war http://tfl.nu/t68o
  Replies (32) Good night (727) Bad night (6304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds. http://tfl.nu/2lul
  Replies (42) Good night (1593) Bad night (6240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (53) Good night (1788) Bad night (6131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
  Replies (27) Good night (2403) Bad night (6022)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood http://tfl.nu/dhuu
  Replies (113) Good night (802) Bad night (6000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/c7jp
  Replies (48) Good night (547) Bad night (5911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg
  Replies (29) Good night (695) Bad night (5758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  no, didnt close...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): no, didnt close... (978): What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic... http://tfl.nu/lkpf
  Replies (13) Good night (705) Bad night (5752)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think girls just don't want to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s
  Replies (31) Good night (1874) Bad night (5751)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
  Replies (25) Good night (1465) Bad night (5744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1428) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that?? http://tfl.nu/9sps
  Replies (26) Good night (1208) Bad night (5631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): why is allison so mad at me?? (469): me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!". (318): crap.. http://tfl.nu/7nes
  Replies (28) Good night (1171) Bad night (5586)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful." http://tfl.nu/nfe2
  Replies (11) Good night (1125) Bad night (5542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis. http://tfl.nu/mahz
  Replies (33) Good night (556) Bad night (5508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger. http://tfl.nu/azyx
  Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (5491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer. http://tfl.nu/ikr9
  Replies (22) Good night (1433) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2335) Bad night (5257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life. http://tfl.nu/04rm
  Replies (63) Good night (888) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown. http://tfl.nu/l3ul
  Replies (49) Good night (2037) Bad night (5014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sorry. that wasn't for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep (732): sorry. that wasn't for you http://tfl.nu/2avz
  Replies (31) Good night (1783) Bad night (4938)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3115) Bad night (4871)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself. http://tfl.nu/iwxe
  Replies (65) Good night (1155) Bad night (4816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank.... http://tfl.nu/wvlh
  Replies (27) Good night (919) Bad night (4769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1346) Bad night (4651)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (2873) Bad night (4638)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl
  Replies (44) Good night (688) Bad night (4600)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)" http://tfl.nu/e61w
  Replies (31) Good night (868) Bad night (4565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone. http://tfl.nu/ph56
  Replies (57) Good night (2423) Bad night (4518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible http://tfl.nu/6jjf
  Replies (11) Good night (727) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness http://tfl.nu/7ruk
  Replies (32) Good night (1687) Bad night (4364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

  (1-530): View more from California

  Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk
  Replies (40) Good night (745) Bad night (4346)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now. http://tfl.nu/u25e
  Replies (12) Good night (640) Bad night (4343)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake. http://tfl.nu/y1g9
  Replies (18) Good night (775) Bad night (4269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin http://tfl.nu/oy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (888) Bad night (4129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record? http://tfl.nu/dn2a
  Replies (37) Good night (722) Bad night (4107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery. http://tfl.nu/hbuh
  Replies (7) Good night (1014) Bad night (4069)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

  (310): View more from California

  and??

  (559): View more from California

  Cake is only good when you eat it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq
  Replies (19) Good night (639) Bad night (4054)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1007) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture. http://tfl.nu/0w8n
  Replies (19) Good night (1634) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon. http://tfl.nu/mwyy
  Replies (19) Good night (953) Bad night (3994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv
  Replies (15) Good night (2188) Bad night (3974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!" http://tfl.nu/i1ig
  Replies (16) Good night (918) Bad night (3967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS http://tfl.nu/np1i
  Replies (235) Good night (3135) Bad night (3958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time. http://tfl.nu/9x69
  Replies (14) Good night (1446) Bad night (3919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party http://tfl.nu/4dt1
  Replies (35) Good night (2384) Bad night (3903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch. (484): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/5i11
  Replies (29) Good night (1166) Bad night (3892)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  my vagina has a 5:00 shadow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): my vagina has a 5:00 shadow http://tfl.nu/wj4u
  Replies (32) Good night (479) Bad night (3865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have a food baby... i think its a boy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i have a food baby... i think its a boy... http://tfl.nu/2cf1
  Replies (20) Good night (1135) Bad night (3794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
  Replies (18) Good night (798) Bad night (3704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (19) Good night (851) Bad night (3655)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do... http://tfl.nu/qae9
  Replies (22) Good night (1083) Bad night (3653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih
  Replies (24) Good night (1052) Bad night (3635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school http://tfl.nu/z2dy
  Replies (79) Good night (394) Bad night (3527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1230) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA http://tfl.nu/oiv6
  Replies (21) Good night (1143) Bad night (3468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama. http://tfl.nu/o21n
  Replies (59) Good night (581) Bad night (3464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart. http://tfl.nu/ct0g
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (3397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?" http://tfl.nu/2uiv
  Replies (22) Good night (796) Bad night (3386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up http://tfl.nu/co6p
  Replies (64) Good night (372) Bad night (3346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks http://tfl.nu/8rbl
  Replies (20) Good night (1767) Bad night (3315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/yiuw
  Replies (16) Good night (669) Bad night (3259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I hope im prettier

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I hope im prettier (1-828): yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying http://tfl.nu/h2yr
  Replies (37) Good night (530) Bad night (3222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you. http://tfl.nu/s4f8
  Replies (12) Good night (1006) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on . http://tfl.nu/rwb5
  Replies (9) Good night (1156) Bad night (3105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute". http://tfl.nu/z3mu
  Replies (29) Good night (1584) Bad night (3082)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4740) Bad night (3079)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w
  Replies (17) Good night (1938) Bad night (3076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time. http://tfl.nu/0r8g
  Replies (16) Good night (2222) Bad night (3047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there http://tfl.nu/5lco
  Replies (10) Good night (398) Bad night (2994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing. http://tfl.nu/t71r
  Replies (61) Good night (584) Bad night (2987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats. http://tfl.nu/rbah
  Replies (19) Good night (966) Bad night (2960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period http://tfl.nu/z8bc
  Replies (17) Good night (642) Bad night (2950)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo http://tfl.nu/9iyh
  Replies (5) Good night (599) Bad night (2941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. http://tfl.nu/bml8
  Replies (8) Good night (790) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): friends don't let friends hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/lykv
  Replies (174) Good night (5918) Bad night (2804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"? http://tfl.nu/e2lv
  Replies (36) Good night (278) Bad night (2799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed. http://tfl.nu/8sey
  Replies (12) Good night (710) Bad night (2770)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/t4ey
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (2738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear. http://tfl.nu/pswl
  Replies (8) Good night (595) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once. http://tfl.nu/besu
  Replies (16) Good night (1530) Bad night (2707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  hot girl, 5 o clock

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  do you know how to read a clock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): hot girl, 5 o clock (1-630): do you know how to read a clock? http://tfl.nu/x1wt
  Replies (17) Good night (1114) Bad night (2703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good... http://tfl.nu/ucmp
  Replies (14) Good night (1835) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He's on drugs...like drugs for horses. http://tfl.nu/witw
  Replies (41) Good night (859) Bad night (2666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20430) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children. http://tfl.nu/7iz1
  Replies (107) Good night (720) Bad night (2626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
  Replies (15) Good night (907) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me. http://tfl.nu/ksmg
  Replies (8) Good night (345) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks? http://tfl.nu/fbfw
  Replies (8) Good night (1004) Bad night (2555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions

  (310): View more from California

  i wish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions (310): i wish http://tfl.nu/mg2v
  Replies (6) Good night (539) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
  Replies (11) Good night (712) Bad night (2479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt

  (702): View more from Nevada

  maybe shoes and water too

  (702): View more from Nevada

  oh and maybe a noose to hang myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt (702): maybe shoes and water too (702): oh and maybe a noose to hang myself http://tfl.nu/qxrs
  Replies (8) Good night (603) Bad night (2466)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4328) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

  (1-714): View more from California

  yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen. (1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... http://tfl.nu/69pu
  Replies (91) Good night (782) Bad night (2338)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (790) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (1843) Bad night (2252)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49054) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook http://tfl.nu/q3m5
  Replies (39) Good night (5178) Bad night (2200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you. http://tfl.nu/2uqq
  Replies (16) Good night (3643) Bad night (2196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me... http://tfl.nu/7ye0
  Replies (7) Good night (788) Bad night (2194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea? http://tfl.nu/4zul
  Replies (10) Good night (705) Bad night (2184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't. http://tfl.nu/5w3y
  Replies (8) Good night (563) Bad night (2104)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon. http://tfl.nu/dlc4
  Replies (21) Good night (2572) Bad night (2101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
  Replies (13) Good night (894) Bad night (2001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
  Replies (141) Good night (3987) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (65) Good night (12075) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (31) Good night (6826) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e
  Replies (29) Good night (6584) Bad night (1881)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (10623) Bad night (1852)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (15244) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time. http://tfl.nu/7l8h
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine http://tfl.nu/d6oy
  Replies (10) Good night (4383) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (45) Good night (45521) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward. http://tfl.nu/6j2p
  Replies (13) Good night (641) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19415) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/6izn
  Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah i got into a fight with my man last night

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  why can't men just shut up and put out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep (860): yeah i got into a fight with my man last night (860): why can't men just shut up and put out? http://tfl.nu/05si
  Replies (60) Good night (2073) Bad night (1713)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day. http://tfl.nu/5atz
  Replies (29) Good night (4979) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269) 3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall http://tfl.nu/8qr4
  Replies (7) Good night (507) Bad night (1700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got? http://tfl.nu/v486
  Replies (20) Good night (525) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (16) Good night (7386) Bad night (1689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (27372) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/q1ic
  Replies (27) Good night (4807) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me. http://tfl.nu/s161
  Replies (71) Good night (3930) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something http://tfl.nu/mg8h
  Replies (35) Good night (5372) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/28i2
  Replies (22) Good night (917) Bad night (1523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3256) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother" http://tfl.nu/4czs
  Replies (13) Good night (6455) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (9) Good night (4758) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19437) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??

  (1-925): View more from California

  Yes. Yes it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Is snow just God skeeting all over the place?? (1-925): Yes. Yes it is. http://tfl.nu/ofba
  Replies (12) Good night (3996) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple http://tfl.nu/6ez5
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoa, Gary Coleman died

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Whatchu talkin bout?!?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Too soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Whoa, Gary Coleman died (224): Whatchu talkin bout?!?! (847): Too soon. http://tfl.nu/36gw
  Replies (49) Good night (6681) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6767) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11431) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!! http://tfl.nu/05kd
  Replies (15) Good night (4500) Bad night (1394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4147) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15179) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex.... http://tfl.nu/n100
  Replies (15) Good night (2835) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6790) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35015) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot. http://tfl.nu/9hr6
  Replies (10) Good night (2032) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving. http://tfl.nu/oull
  Replies (26) Good night (7073) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face. http://tfl.nu/5edg
  Replies (7) Good night (3466) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure http://tfl.nu/u013
  Replies (24) Good night (6339) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6032) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text http://tfl.nu/8slp
  Replies (5) Good night (439) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages... http://tfl.nu/0g83
  Replies (12) Good night (4167) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g
  Replies (16) Good night (3247) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6237) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z
  Replies (19) Good night (3515) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36452) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23041) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (19412) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can still come hang out if you want

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I really don't feel like watching you play video games

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you can still come hang out if you want (248): I really don't feel like watching you play video games http://tfl.nu/d4ru
  Replies (19) Good night (434) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (4886) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke. http://tfl.nu/z4fd
  Replies (19) Good night (6194) Bad night (1260)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit http://tfl.nu/ux8z
  Replies (18) Good night (3648) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (3956) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (4945) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that. http://tfl.nu/jsxj
  Replies (10) Good night (5291) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building. http://tfl.nu/resy
  Replies (7) Good night (3436) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8202) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (37) Good night (16693) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/gnt9
  Replies (12) Good night (3037) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26
  Replies (15) Good night (645) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  six.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh, I thought it was higher.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  No, that would be the Matt's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg
  Replies (33) Good night (6391) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn
  Replies (32) Good night (3287) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello. http://tfl.nu/agdc
  Replies (55) Good night (6663) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room (810): Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this http://tfl.nu/ax0d
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way. http://tfl.nu/sqy6
  Replies (5) Good night (1954) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
  Replies (56) Good night (8520) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake http://tfl.nu/rol0
  Replies (45) Good night (6940) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (39) Good night (6104) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie http://tfl.nu/vbyw
  Replies (36) Good night (5847) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m
  Replies (11) Good night (5935) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7831) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18605) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band http://tfl.nu/l50n
  Replies (11) Good night (401) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (11871) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (4797) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  no you cant smoke seaweed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): no you cant smoke seaweed http://tfl.nu/a9kv
  Replies (39) Good night (5314) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob http://tfl.nu/gzh9
  Replies (25) Good night (4446) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
  Replies (48) Good night (877) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse. http://tfl.nu/a75v
  Replies (8) Good night (2547) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  What will that accomplish?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. (480): What will that accomplish? (602): It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. http://tfl.nu/n4ns
  Replies (23) Good night (7691) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice http://tfl.nu/hzcq
  Replies (9) Good night (5412) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now. http://tfl.nu/sqxt
  Replies (4) Good night (2076) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out http://tfl.nu/835w
  Replies (12) Good night (4547) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later. http://tfl.nu/kqj9
  Replies (8) Good night (1308) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6421) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12354) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (3984) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  OMG THAT WAS YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building. (603): OMG THAT WAS YOU?! http://tfl.nu/kd7y
  Replies (42) Good night (8863) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now. http://tfl.nu/p09l
  Replies (6) Good night (3979) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room http://tfl.nu/st2q
  Replies (46) Good night (4604) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok

  (850): View more from Florida

  They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok (850): They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good http://tfl.nu/qtm7
  Replies (10) Good night (5721) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
  Replies (41) Good night (5519) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7242) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here" http://tfl.nu/277o
  Replies (9) Good night (3152) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night. http://tfl.nu/kc82
  Replies (6) Good night (3453) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (12963) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5088) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36757) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk
  Replies (84) Good night (12209) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be
  Replies (18) Good night (3228) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6496) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing.. http://tfl.nu/jqwx
  Replies (35) Good night (13751) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car... http://tfl.nu/7kdq
  Replies (5) Good night (2237) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (7922) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this is a time for prayers...seriously

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this is a time for prayers...seriously (1-973): let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen. http://tfl.nu/ovsa
  Replies (22) Good night (4646) Bad night (1039)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where. http://tfl.nu/dvsr
  Replies (3) Good night (3052) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12004) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea! http://tfl.nu/pudz
  Replies (5) Good night (414) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7447) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9240) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick? http://tfl.nu/6riv
  Replies (46) Good night (3798) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with. http://tfl.nu/wag5
  Replies (13) Good night (3041) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing. http://tfl.nu/a3a6
  Replies (19) Good night (4345) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (8801) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11091) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8121) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (5557) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy http://tfl.nu/uoz8
  Replies (3) Good night (897) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/d0ly
  Replies (15) Good night (3564) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3751) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8394) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (25446) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer http://tfl.nu/7yso
  Replies (10) Good night (5178) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3
  Replies (30) Good night (6571) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos. http://tfl.nu/dg53
  Replies (10) Good night (2947) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e
  Replies (27) Good night (4581) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Is it normal to miss your booty call?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Is it normal to miss your booty call? http://tfl.nu/3d60
  Replies (9) Good night (434) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8809) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  God gave us a 4 year grace period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college? (1-314): God gave us a 4 year grace period. http://tfl.nu/2ues
  Replies (29) Good night (3649) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15626) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (12) Good night (5690) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence? (1-563): The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them? http://tfl.nu/0g65
  Replies (46) Good night (2541) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear. http://tfl.nu/94id
  Replies (10) Good night (5063) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta http://tfl.nu/2wvh
  Replies (21) Good night (4219) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about? http://tfl.nu/blbh
  Replies (30) Good night (3240) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
  Replies (57) Good night (13743) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me. http://tfl.nu/ua0x
  Replies (12) Good night (4176) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (59) Good night (6601) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (33) Good night (7842) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6106) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens http://tfl.nu/tbzs
  Replies (36) Good night (5327) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8582) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8131) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo
  Replies (25) Good night (10116) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12119) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night. http://tfl.nu/91du
  Replies (49) Good night (7397) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b
  Replies (59) Good night (10580) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory. http://tfl.nu/a6d4
  Replies (4) Good night (1924) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk. http://tfl.nu/e5cu
  Replies (16) Good night (3529) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out http://tfl.nu/qumr
  Replies (16) Good night (4535) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
  Replies (11) Good night (5447) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice. http://tfl.nu/sig2
  Replies (4) Good night (2202) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9073) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (15) Good night (6006) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history. http://tfl.nu/28mn
  Replies (12) Good night (2516) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12453) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too. http://tfl.nu/we0x
  Replies (12) Good night (4524) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot. http://tfl.nu/h8z2
  Replies (6) Good night (2482) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8904) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v
  Replies (3) Good night (3084) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night. http://tfl.nu/2m2y
  Replies (6) Good night (4256) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie http://tfl.nu/6e1s
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32212) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5750) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on... http://tfl.nu/l298
  Replies (67) Good night (1880) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt
  Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/i4e8
  Replies (15) Good night (4575) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6185) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38093) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (7602) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok
  Replies (63) Good night (7246) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (11) Good night (5054) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night http://tfl.nu/9n0e
  Replies (8) Good night (4964) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet. http://tfl.nu/jjy9
  Replies (13) Good night (3303) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (8403) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!! http://tfl.nu/gtc6
  Replies (10) Good night (3795) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4490) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13835) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/eygf
  Replies (5) Good night (3104) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN http://tfl.nu/nyld
  Replies (15) Good night (6716) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12123) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon. http://tfl.nu/vb88
  Replies (13) Good night (4817) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5796) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas http://tfl.nu/5abk
  Replies (22) Good night (7883) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4906) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3 http://tfl.nu/7or4
  Replies (4) Good night (4224) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (3812) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
  Replies (21) Good night (5267) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If you die in college, do you die in real life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If you die in college, do you die in real life? http://tfl.nu/s9pw
  Replies (42) Good night (8859) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo http://tfl.nu/nrq4
  Replies (23) Good night (4625) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2135) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7256) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  yeah thats usually a good indication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face.. (1-317): yeah thats usually a good indication. http://tfl.nu/79nx
  Replies (6) Good night (4965) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln? http://tfl.nu/gtnh
  Replies (28) Good night (5747) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (5815) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1... http://tfl.nu/ehgf
  Replies (21) Good night (8134) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise. http://tfl.nu/ewvs
  Replies (40) Good night (1926) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): 20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!" http://tfl.nu/w8i5
  Replies (33) Good night (5585) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american" http://tfl.nu/1xh1
  Replies (25) Good night (7510) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday. http://tfl.nu/jjrt
  Replies (23) Good night (3574) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head? http://tfl.nu/lmud
  Replies (42) Good night (2190) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (10901) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5539) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (17) Good night (12238) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
  Replies (50) Good night (2637) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly
  Replies (11) Good night (3567) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Plan B is the new Plan A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Plan B is the new Plan A http://tfl.nu/yxtj
  Replies (8) Good night (685) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7389) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv
  Replies (13) Good night (3148) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4416) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over? http://tfl.nu/p1bn
  Replies (14) Good night (4315) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (7858) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6614) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5714) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on http://tfl.nu/lrwn
  Replies (4) Good night (3028) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj
  Replies (21) Good night (8082) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October. http://tfl.nu/w9iv
  Replies (4) Good night (2516) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3587) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4627) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation" http://tfl.nu/sb0g
  Replies (19) Good night (7262) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
  Replies (8) Good night (4130) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19103) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv
  Replies (28) Good night (5782) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Chicken burrito, or no deal.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Is that code for my vagina?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Chicken burrito, or no deal. (1-402): Is that code for my vagina? (402): Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito http://tfl.nu/ldfv
  Replies (30) Good night (3937) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" http://tfl.nu/fs29
  Replies (10) Good night (3436) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10761) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13909) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa
  Replies (51) Good night (16895) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside http://tfl.nu/jkpy
  Replies (8) Good night (3049) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s
  Replies (22) Good night (7734) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
  Replies (17) Good night (7182) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby.. http://tfl.nu/7gz9
  Replies (10) Good night (3224) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

  (562): View more from California

  You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign (562): You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo http://tfl.nu/9pp5
  Replies (68) Good night (5423) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (5448) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (4940) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being... http://tfl.nu/xmjx
  Replies (11) Good night (2910) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7909) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno
  Replies (22) Good night (6854) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget! http://tfl.nu/i6kv
  Replies (8) Good night (3645) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6426) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8571) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes http://tfl.nu/9qtj
  Replies (10) Good night (4236) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious http://tfl.nu/8hxf
  Replies (20) Good night (6670) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz
  Replies (62) Good night (1759) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8307) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
  Replies (11) Good night (5881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car! http://tfl.nu/lfwp
  Replies (13) Good night (448) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (3885) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht
  Replies (9) Good night (2974) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap http://tfl.nu/abw0
  Replies (36) Good night (4895) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): my sombrero is too big for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/okhq
  Replies (25) Good night (8859) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (28) Good night (6356) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig. http://tfl.nu/vo5s
  Replies (7) Good night (2269) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!" http://tfl.nu/xp9i
  Replies (18) Good night (5392) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame. http://tfl.nu/kw0h
  Replies (10) Good night (4486) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak http://tfl.nu/wxhv
  Replies (29) Good night (579) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8582) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2354) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7246) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology http://tfl.nu/2zvz
  Replies (6) Good night (4020) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7009) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Actions speak louder than pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Actions speak louder than pants. http://tfl.nu/3ga3
  Replies (12) Good night (4665) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8430) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful http://tfl.nu/oafq
  Replies (19) Good night (6908) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (41) Good night (12330) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was. http://tfl.nu/ul38
  Replies (14) Good night (4280) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/weck
  Replies (18) Good night (4987) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9123) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (14) Good night (4899) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8178) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won. http://tfl.nu/1h1c
  Replies (39) Good night (8869) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5044) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (3988) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain. http://tfl.nu/y8ei
  Replies (15) Good night (6635) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door? http://tfl.nu/on5x
  Replies (8) Good night (3992) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11552) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7066) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position" http://tfl.nu/0g0v
  Replies (8) Good night (4102) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6102) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5256) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  STOP listening to that song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx
  Replies (78) Good night (4932) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13351) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me http://tfl.nu/nb38
  Replies (6) Good night (2471) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/h0jn
  Replies (15) Good night (5554) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7162) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! http://tfl.nu/r22y
  Replies (51) Good night (6463) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need? http://tfl.nu/pqn5
  Replies (27) Good night (6755) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out. http://tfl.nu/ga8t
  Replies (3) Good night (4506) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!" http://tfl.nu/dw66
  Replies (15) Good night (3141) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes' http://tfl.nu/oxkp
  Replies (9) Good night (7186) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/y5mn
  Replies (7) Good night (3962) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (92) Good night (10616) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship. http://tfl.nu/vmw8
  Replies (17) Good night (2168) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (4676) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved. http://tfl.nu/zste
  Replies (20) Good night (9295) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans. http://tfl.nu/hk9w
  Replies (14) Good night (6917) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  what is it with giant penises always finding me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): what is it with giant penises always finding me http://tfl.nu/ji8j
  Replies (26) Good night (3939) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I wish facebook had a fuck off button. http://tfl.nu/0iiv
  Replies (34) Good night (10050) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (5642) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (15) Good night (6825) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven. http://tfl.nu/stao
  Replies (4) Good night (3608) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5301) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over. http://tfl.nu/6ffz
  Replies (7) Good night (360) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf
  Replies (13) Good night (3127) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers http://tfl.nu/y866
  Replies (51) Good night (6710) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9445) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE! http://tfl.nu/ymdz
  Replies (7) Good night (4319) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one http://tfl.nu/l60l
  Replies (5) Good night (4631) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs http://tfl.nu/bzfk
  Replies (3) Good night (2043) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa http://tfl.nu/56cb
  Replies (23) Good night (6813) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7469) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity. http://tfl.nu/ob6h
  Replies (21) Good night (7777) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (8462) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do. http://tfl.nu/m59t
  Replies (9) Good night (1863) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (4730) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8982) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape. http://tfl.nu/7lpf
  Replies (8) Good night (3490) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex. http://tfl.nu/b52l
  Replies (10) Good night (2387) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cont stop tolking in a british axsent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I cont stop tolking in a british axsent http://tfl.nu/j2m9
  Replies (45) Good night (3626) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Really* awful people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people. (215): Really* awful people. http://tfl.nu/94fn
  Replies (3) Good night (2531) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (25) Good night (5895) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8
  Replies (13) Good night (3973) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You? http://tfl.nu/m5ki
  Replies (7) Good night (2330) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb
  Replies (11) Good night (3731) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home

  (254): View more from Texas

  Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home (254): Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/oaxm
  Replies (8) Good night (5833) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once http://tfl.nu/6uuj
  Replies (3) Good night (4823) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock. http://tfl.nu/805r
  Replies (16) Good night (5480) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work? http://tfl.nu/5z5c
  Replies (10) Good night (2896) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She is in my trunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She is in my trunk http://tfl.nu/i8uz
  Replies (7) Good night (1332) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters. http://tfl.nu/hxhg
  Replies (5) Good night (2696) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
  Replies (20) Good night (9502) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang? http://tfl.nu/anu5
  Replies (36) Good night (4788) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (6981) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her" http://tfl.nu/oma3
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire. http://tfl.nu/gd8k
  Replies (6) Good night (4959) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé http://tfl.nu/voe0
  Replies (29) Good night (7364) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name. http://tfl.nu/83o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5203) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (10653) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze http://tfl.nu/0gjr
  Replies (13) Good night (3602) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (9726) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8370) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation. http://tfl.nu/fqo6
  Replies (10) Good night (3340) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mm7j
  Replies (12) Good night (4332) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4522) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

  (210): View more from Texas

  S P E L L C H E C K

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No you dumbass thats not right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5
  Replies (14) Good night (2913) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar http://tfl.nu/uc7h
  Replies (53) Good night (3637) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5727) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  never. drinking. again.

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  lets not get ahead of ourselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): never. drinking. again. (1-705): lets not get ahead of ourselves. http://tfl.nu/le2c
  Replies (36) Good night (4887) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af
  Replies (9) Good night (3781) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab http://tfl.nu/kluh
  Replies (18) Good night (2433) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Only if they know about it too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room? (1-780): Only if they know about it too. http://tfl.nu/fxqr
  Replies (42) Good night (2947) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7088) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/n12x
  Replies (12) Good night (3089) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3551) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/3qtb
  Replies (6) Good night (5318) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3508) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (5739) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow. http://tfl.nu/kcye
  Replies (8) Good night (3544) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov
  Replies (13) Good night (2339) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (6649) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (7680) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips. http://tfl.nu/1ir1
  Replies (10) Good night (5959) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward. http://tfl.nu/2euk
  Replies (5) Good night (1973) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (4883) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face. http://tfl.nu/aa6s
  Replies (1) Good night (2846) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (7917) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
  Replies (43) Good night (4900) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people http://tfl.nu/csbk
  Replies (6) Good night (6223) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here. http://tfl.nu/yssz
  Replies (19) Good night (3251) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11003) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ss3s
  Replies (6) Good night (2912) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (7768) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
  Replies (17) Good night (4983) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back. http://tfl.nu/h2g1
  Replies (26) Good night (8545) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s
  Replies (9) Good night (3809) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar.. http://tfl.nu/d5fi
  Replies (18) Good night (6474) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me. http://tfl.nu/26ae
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree (404): YES. http://tfl.nu/chua
  Replies (5) Good night (3415) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11558) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob" http://tfl.nu/kv4b
  Replies (20) Good night (4241) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace? http://tfl.nu/pga4
  Replies (9) Good night (1756) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new. http://tfl.nu/z10i
  Replies (6) Good night (2775) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/lmrm
  Replies (10) Good night (2671) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses. http://tfl.nu/a1yl
  Replies (11) Good night (3292) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (3718) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why. http://tfl.nu/20py
  Replies (7) Good night (5301) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs
  Replies (23) Good night (4610) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex. http://tfl.nu/bdfn
  Replies (5) Good night (4415) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers http://tfl.nu/1uct
  Replies (26) Good night (7182) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  what?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma
  Replies (29) Good night (7372) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10386) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note. http://tfl.nu/7aam
  Replies (9) Good night (4427) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/3y00
  Replies (65) Good night (7845) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me

  (619): View more from California

  that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me (619): that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box. http://tfl.nu/s7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (1363) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vjyg
  Replies (6) Good night (1908) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/bd1c
  Replies (8) Good night (4654) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover. http://tfl.nu/pxbl
  Replies (8) Good night (3497) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6398) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork." http://tfl.nu/fte3
  Replies (27) Good night (5846) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I am SOOO high

  (830): View more from Texas

  tell me about your high

  (214): View more from Texas

  HUGE THUMBTACKS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I am SOOO high (830): tell me about your high (214): HUGE THUMBTACKS http://tfl.nu/kz11
  Replies (13) Good night (5305) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i can juggle bunnies

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  cool

  (802): View more from Vermont

  on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i can juggle bunnies (1-802): cool (802): on fire http://tfl.nu/wqba
  Replies (11) Good night (2732) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l
  Replies (15) Good night (3950) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  did i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?" (1-732): did i? http://tfl.nu/syum
  Replies (33) Good night (7364) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table. http://tfl.nu/8dv6
  Replies (7) Good night (3974) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.

  (516): View more from New York

  wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!

  (631): View more from New York

  aww shit wrong text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins. (516): wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?! (631): aww shit wrong text. http://tfl.nu/e9a5
  Replies (8) Good night (1086) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not. http://tfl.nu/m099
  Replies (4) Good night (3324) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok http://tfl.nu/c6qb
  Replies (7) Good night (2838) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is http://tfl.nu/2h7o
  Replies (6) Good night (5678) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy
  Replies (5) Good night (4172) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  garbage

  (248): View more from Michigan

  garbage dick

  (847): View more from Illinois

  rubbish cock

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847) garbage (248) garbage dick (847) rubbish cock (248) you win http://tfl.nu/0jjx
  Replies (3) Good night (1950) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home http://tfl.nu/noo6
  Replies (11) Good night (3139) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels... http://tfl.nu/f4i6
  Replies (7) Good night (2944) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

  (607): View more from New York

  what a beautiful fairy tale

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3
  Replies (33) Good night (10303) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now http://tfl.nu/4qek
  Replies (22) Good night (3963) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10036) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (5886) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5228) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  so what did you do?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg (1-613): so what did you do? (613): I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash! http://tfl.nu/b0di
  Replies (23) Good night (5901) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage. http://tfl.nu/k0ri
  Replies (5) Good night (1592) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (12) Good night (4109) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/crab
  Replies (11) Good night (2351) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk. http://tfl.nu/79zz
  Replies (70) Good night (5402) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12432) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink. http://tfl.nu/2r69
  Replies (21) Good night (4556) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51
  Replies (22) Good night (8115) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (11976) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8453) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4274) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6059) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/0v59
  Replies (21) Good night (7478) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4759) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3285) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets. http://tfl.nu/r3xp
  Replies (7) Good night (3118) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (4826) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace http://tfl.nu/njta
  Replies (7) Good night (2436) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3387) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how do you have sooo much energy?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq
  Replies (16) Good night (4154) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3514) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  You should get sea herpes

  (831): View more from California

  I mean sea horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses http://tfl.nu/2vm6
  Replies (21) Good night (3417) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (7831) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/4hqu
  Replies (30) Good night (7960) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10657) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is... http://tfl.nu/n91t
  Replies (40) Good night (4087) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  if you ask that question again our friendship is over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high" (1-205): if you ask that question again our friendship is over http://tfl.nu/wy8m
  Replies (19) Good night (3398) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.

  (310): View more from California

  wait, who's paul?

  (917): View more from New York City

  exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing. (310): wait, who's paul? (917): exactly. http://tfl.nu/h90s
  Replies (6) Good night (1393) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6376) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board. http://tfl.nu/f3ak
  Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it http://tfl.nu/ioqt
  Replies (16) Good night (5714) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6215) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life (619): with a huge shlong (440): massive. i wanna make bitches cry http://tfl.nu/imk4
  Replies (38) Good night (5416) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena http://tfl.nu/u4d0
  Replies (42) Good night (7128) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ...are you coming on to me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me. (601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly (901): ...are you coming on to me? http://tfl.nu/90vx
  Replies (12) Good night (3021) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history.. http://tfl.nu/iskw
  Replies (9) Good night (1833) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (1-214): oh fuck your right http://tfl.nu/6rmf
  Replies (21) Good night (4015) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for... http://tfl.nu/dqoy
  Replies (17) Good night (4047) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1493) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle http://tfl.nu/y8fm
  Replies (9) Good night (3149) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Dick in a box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm (1-757): Dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/x7sn
  Replies (12) Good night (4062) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9063) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock. http://tfl.nu/wrss
  Replies (13) Good night (3103) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals. http://tfl.nu/vphu
  Replies (14) Good night (2010) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4011) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Let's paint friendship bongs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Let's paint friendship bongs http://tfl.nu/nm34
  Replies (5) Good night (2010) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (2791) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude i fell asleep inside of her

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  thats awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Dude i fell asleep inside of her (1-248): thats awesome http://tfl.nu/98db
  Replies (16) Good night (1348) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex. http://tfl.nu/ut6h
  Replies (6) Good night (3232) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam? http://tfl.nu/4s96
  Replies (30) Good night (3568) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3137) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Rock

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Scissors

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Rock (630): Scissors (630): Fuck http://tfl.nu/tdxv
  Replies (14) Good night (2019) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force http://tfl.nu/6fxy
  Replies (4) Good night (1875) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  zippers are such a cool invention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): zippers are such a cool invention http://tfl.nu/t5qh
  Replies (29) Good night (4526) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Is there a law against that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Is there a law against that? (717): Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life. http://tfl.nu/tyhd
  Replies (4) Good night (3076) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm lost and stupid without you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'm lost and stupid without you. http://tfl.nu/d04q
  Replies (5) Good night (912) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f
  Replies (21) Good night (1072) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it http://tfl.nu/ykku
  Replies (27) Good night (3149) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be? http://tfl.nu/eobh
  Replies (12) Good night (2972) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket. http://tfl.nu/jk3k
  Replies (10) Good night (2498) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world. http://tfl.nu/0x21
  Replies (23) Good night (4829) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk http://tfl.nu/cgrv
  Replies (5) Good night (2172) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer. http://tfl.nu/fsjr
  Replies (4) Good night (2496) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6098) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face http://tfl.nu/l9l7
  Replies (23) Good night (1960) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2248) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou
  Replies (33) Good night (7295) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune (1-318): what drug did you take to come to that conclusion?? http://tfl.nu/bym5
  Replies (79) Good night (3947) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles. http://tfl.nu/x8s9
  Replies (15) Good night (6618) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking. http://tfl.nu/t4jf
  Replies (11) Good night (4484) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7493) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  either way. win, win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches. (1-810): either way. win, win. http://tfl.nu/dnjj
  Replies (37) Good night (2999) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pride?

  (214): View more from Texas

  thats a pack of cougars

  (469): View more from Texas

  go fuck yourself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now (469): Pride? (214): thats a pack of cougars (469): go fuck yourself http://tfl.nu/22tj
  Replies (22) Good night (3793) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space http://tfl.nu/29mq
  Replies (27) Good night (4393) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for? (1-574): Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina. http://tfl.nu/l0nz
  Replies (16) Good night (1885) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards. http://tfl.nu/wgpg
  Replies (2) Good night (1527) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4516) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (3720) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  Can I eat your pillow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow. (1-936): Can I eat your pillow? http://tfl.nu/ozwu
  Replies (7) Good night (5024) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (3964) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6080) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it http://tfl.nu/zuoy
  Replies (18) Good night (4502) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did! http://tfl.nu/gcyx
  Replies (26) Good night (3610) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings" http://tfl.nu/7jzd
  Replies (29) Good night (2744) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s
  Replies (17) Good night (3028) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me how you discovered this.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I was looking in the mirror snooping around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora (1-440): Please tell me how you discovered this. (440): I was looking in the mirror snooping around<p></p> http://tfl.nu/7aua
  Replies (14) Good night (1187) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (243): View more from

  the bitch is dead man

  (1-243): View more from

  YOUR DOG DIED?

  (243): View more from

  no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (243): the bitch is dead man (1-243): YOUR DOG DIED? (243): no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon. http://tfl.nu/0e8d
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
  Replies (17) Good night (1790) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
  Replies (18) Good night (5049) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it? http://tfl.nu/wfmi
  Replies (11) Good night (3283) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier. http://tfl.nu/075q
  Replies (14) Good night (4212) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.

  (310): View more from California

  So you didn't like Bolt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later. (310): So you didn't like Bolt? http://tfl.nu/dqy6
  Replies (2) Good night (2787) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me http://tfl.nu/mnmv
  Replies (5) Good night (2204) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on. (347): And what brought this epiphany? (646): I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later http://tfl.nu/hsai
  Replies (27) Good night (3105) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love http://tfl.nu/0ny7
  Replies (20) Good night (3226) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk. http://tfl.nu/79dj
  Replies (4) Good night (1825) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet http://tfl.nu/ryzv
  Replies (19) Good night (4428) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (3774) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22.. http://tfl.nu/txsi
  Replies (9) Good night (1117) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I pooped in a mop bucket.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  WTF???

  (512): View more from Texas

  Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I pooped in a mop bucket. (1-512): WTF??? (512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that http://tfl.nu/ww1k
  Replies (12) Good night (771) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes. http://tfl.nu/a8d2
  Replies (13) Good night (6229) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i can't wait to go to hell

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i can't wait to go to hell (1-248): yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure http://tfl.nu/7pwb
  Replies (2) Good night (1155) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9. http://tfl.nu/1zb6
  Replies (25) Good night (1750) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  What does that mean?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How when the cu k dos I yet u

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Focus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!! (1-248): What does that mean? (248): How when the cu k dos I yet u (1-248): Focus http://tfl.nu/kvgv
  Replies (13) Good night (1405) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now" http://tfl.nu/8bck
  Replies (11) Good night (2232) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him. http://tfl.nu/81m9
  Replies (9) Good night (1288) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Places.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Plural? Please tell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep? (509): Places. (503): Plural? Please tell. http://tfl.nu/23q8
  Replies (5) Good night (2371) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag. http://tfl.nu/0795
  Replies (16) Good night (3351) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2288) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Hey you

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Hey you (732): You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up? http://tfl.nu/ejs0
  Replies (42) Good night (1986) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  What'd you say?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I told him I was sleep driving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work. (1-248): What'd you say? (248): I told him I was sleep driving http://tfl.nu/ghd6
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind. http://tfl.nu/4b1q
  Replies (3) Good night (2920) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
  Replies (11) Good night (2140) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now (1-484): sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up? (484): :) http://tfl.nu/8r3p
  Replies (12) Good night (3475) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm drunk

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that why you're texting me

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm drunk (615): Is that why you're texting me (405): Yes http://tfl.nu/5xy8
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (2379) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now. http://tfl.nu/qgk0
  Replies (6) Good night (2096) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport http://tfl.nu/5bf4
  Replies (40) Good night (3714) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4357) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five http://tfl.nu/co5b
  Replies (11) Good night (6205) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  No...more like a life jacket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt
  Replies (8) Good night (1182) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both

  (650): View more from California

  i think otters can do that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both (650): i think otters can do that http://tfl.nu/vhzk
  Replies (18) Good night (2954) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed. http://tfl.nu/nsl5
  Replies (13) Good night (3323) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere. http://tfl.nu/ay2u
  Replies (11) Good night (4868) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it http://tfl.nu/0u81
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You drinking a lot?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  No.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Define a lot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You drinking a lot? (1-850): No. (1-850): Define a lot http://tfl.nu/heqj
  Replies (15) Good night (2692) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (9) Good night (2233) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  look no pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): look no pants http://tfl.nu/j078
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806
  Replies (6) Good night (2773) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858):He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW. http://tfl.nu/23zr
  Replies (11) Good night (1634) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room http://tfl.nu/4z49
  Replies (8) Good night (1751) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl
  Replies (3) Good night (1847) Bad night (200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz
  Replies (4) Good night (1595) Bad night (188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really. http://tfl.nu/399x
  Replies (3) Good night (1054) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4
  Replies (9) Good night (1487) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt