She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.