Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!