He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.