Texts From Last Night

rams2212's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night http://tfl.nu/6buy
  Replies (4) Good night (2262) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out http://tfl.nu/7udd
  Replies (7) Good night (4478) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested" http://tfl.nu/y825
  Replies (9) Good night (2843) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye http://tfl.nu/fu4x
  Replies (24) Good night (3290) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3
  Replies (20) Good night (5493) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/4xq5
  Replies (15) Good night (5402) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes http://tfl.nu/vn7y
  Replies (16) Good night (800) Bad night (4215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since. http://tfl.nu/058n
  Replies (7) Good night (1063) Bad night (4523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking. http://tfl.nu/91x5
  Replies (17) Good night (1603) Bad night (5174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  this must be what syphilis tastes like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): this must be what syphilis tastes like http://tfl.nu/o277
  Replies (15) Good night (497) Bad night (5661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1460) Bad night (5620)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189
  Replies (60) Good night (1415) Bad night (10475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (24) Good night (992) Bad night (9250)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done http://tfl.nu/rbbz
  Replies (23) Good night (5400) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic? http://tfl.nu/h7hc
  Replies (13) Good night (5443) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26337) Bad night (1505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again http://tfl.nu/w71h
  Replies (22) Good night (748) Bad night (3171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend? http://tfl.nu/hvyw
  Replies (11) Good night (4904) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole http://tfl.nu/xvf4
  Replies (35) Good night (565) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3435) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5184) Bad night (1501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping. http://tfl.nu/j81d
  Replies (5) Good night (3155) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple? http://tfl.nu/ri0o
  Replies (2) Good night (1751) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?" http://tfl.nu/srbv
  Replies (4) Good night (3844) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime. http://tfl.nu/6fla
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once. http://tfl.nu/brbs
  Replies (21) Good night (2905) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (4913) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3
  Replies (38) Good night (814) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire. http://tfl.nu/qksw
  Replies (16) Good night (3614) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you http://tfl.nu/mvu5
  Replies (6) Good night (2696) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense. http://tfl.nu/myox
  Replies (3) Good night (2531) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?" http://tfl.nu/sgk0
  Replies (18) Good night (681) Bad night (4538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far. http://tfl.nu/ba65
  Replies (6) Good night (3479) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip. http://tfl.nu/kp6r
  Replies (10) Good night (3158) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD. http://tfl.nu/b7tw
  Replies (13) Good night (1111) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage http://tfl.nu/yt67
  Replies (19) Good night (2942) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4452) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo. http://tfl.nu/nmdz
  Replies (9) Good night (1975) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy http://tfl.nu/tu8r
  Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (19) Good night (851) Bad night (3655)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If i need to get strippers involved i will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): If i need to get strippers involved i will. http://tfl.nu/3tx8
  Replies (17) Good night (3063) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar. http://tfl.nu/ituj
  Replies (12) Good night (4476) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4362) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We are two peas in an std pod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We are two peas in an std pod http://tfl.nu/62ho
  Replies (12) Good night (696) Bad night (5340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull. http://tfl.nu/uent
  Replies (15) Good night (3746) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Man, jail baloney is awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Man, jail baloney is awful. http://tfl.nu/9ubn
  Replies (33) Good night (803) Bad night (3775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/qna9
  Replies (14) Good night (3117) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?" http://tfl.nu/3mlg
  Replies (8) Good night (661) Bad night (3478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands. http://tfl.nu/q7ak
  Replies (13) Good night (797) Bad night (2399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad. http://tfl.nu/yao2
  Replies (9) Good night (581) Bad night (2775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (40) Good night (5978) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird. http://tfl.nu/kz0v
  Replies (5) Good night (770) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk. http://tfl.nu/e5cu
  Replies (16) Good night (3530) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed http://tfl.nu/t2n3
  Replies (15) Good night (2652) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she has a santa fetish

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place? (215): she has a santa fetish (267): cute. http://tfl.nu/kuhz
  Replies (18) Good night (5391) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring. http://tfl.nu/sgce
  Replies (18) Good night (821) Bad night (3212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a girl!!

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's a girl!! (614): That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years http://tfl.nu/ln73
  Replies (30) Good night (6254) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My ATM looks so different sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My ATM looks so different sober. http://tfl.nu/aska
  Replies (7) Good night (2073) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3
  Replies (7) Good night (4728) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (4730) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house. http://tfl.nu/pura
  Replies (50) Good night (3028) Bad night (5286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs... http://tfl.nu/sf3t
  Replies (56) Good night (1255) Bad night (3953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (6730) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (514) Bad night (2659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?! http://tfl.nu/ajcv
  Replies (16) Good night (880) Bad night (4458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
  Replies (23) Good night (3818) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want 2 things right now, you or a cig

  (810): View more from Michigan

  cig

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I want 2 things right now, you or a cig (810): cig http://tfl.nu/vys5
  Replies (4) Good night (400) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off? http://tfl.nu/j7cy
  Replies (15) Good night (4385) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning. http://tfl.nu/sy0s
  Replies (23) Good night (1195) Bad night (3285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4148) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong. (1-316): Yeah I'm going to bathe him. http://tfl.nu/s84m
  Replies (6) Good night (3510) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am http://tfl.nu/v6r1
  Replies (19) Good night (3059) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75933)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls http://tfl.nu/izkj
  Replies (4) Good night (1778) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something http://tfl.nu/4301
  Replies (8) Good night (545) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail? http://tfl.nu/fzou
  Replies (20) Good night (4566) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6312) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed. http://tfl.nu/c6ek
  Replies (8) Good night (2579) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend? http://tfl.nu/fd94
  Replies (8) Good night (5369) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw http://tfl.nu/yy7h
  Replies (21) Good night (1332) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me. http://tfl.nu/dzz5
  Replies (40) Good night (607) Bad night (7275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car.. http://tfl.nu/4cqo
  Replies (11) Good night (2995) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down. http://tfl.nu/c4iu
  Replies (6) Good night (2896) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5626) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned. http://tfl.nu/iuhj
  Replies (20) Good night (934) Bad night (2992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+34): View more from Spain

  what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+34): what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30 http://tfl.nu/zswr
  Replies (7) Good night (585) Bad night (3719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands. http://tfl.nu/f2kb
  Replies (12) Good night (3616) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/x6ut
  Replies (26) Good night (1055) Bad night (3746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra? http://tfl.nu/qq09
  Replies (5) Good night (2384) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together. http://tfl.nu/69iq
  Replies (15) Good night (2595) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87462) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124230) Bad night (3442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now http://tfl.nu/b5gc
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (3223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me. http://tfl.nu/fl66
  Replies (9) Good night (2436) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it. http://tfl.nu/jr23
  Replies (7) Good night (2265) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nobody is perfect

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page. (913): Nobody is perfect (816): I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other http://tfl.nu/yd5r
  Replies (11) Good night (7318) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?" http://tfl.nu/lotk
  Replies (10) Good night (2999) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (22) Good night (5163) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user? http://tfl.nu/ik2g
  Replies (15) Good night (1032) Bad night (2247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/58do
  Replies (17) Good night (710) Bad night (3929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone. http://tfl.nu/c518
  Replies (7) Good night (3089) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him http://tfl.nu/f43y
  Replies (18) Good night (1232) Bad night (2911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed? http://tfl.nu/pvwt
  Replies (8) Good night (3538) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!? http://tfl.nu/2mg7
  Replies (19) Good night (4224) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again. http://tfl.nu/bt9u
  Replies (34) Good night (2971) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship http://tfl.nu/9ygn
  Replies (5) Good night (2132) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump http://tfl.nu/on8v
  Replies (11) Good night (5574) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that. http://tfl.nu/a94h
  Replies (16) Good night (1405) Bad night (3703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook. http://tfl.nu/f57q
  Replies (12) Good night (3411) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here. http://tfl.nu/0a2t
  Replies (7) Good night (2240) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling? http://tfl.nu/xujd
  Replies (7) Good night (4437) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth http://tfl.nu/es05
  Replies (24) Good night (1441) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was. http://tfl.nu/0op6
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (3632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not. http://tfl.nu/0qt3
  Replies (12) Good night (6033) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (14677) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (3657) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos. http://tfl.nu/xt2r
  Replies (23) Good night (4035) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  He looks like he has a penis

  (210): View more from Texas

  What the fuck

  (432): View more from Texas

  A good one, a good penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3819) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (5978) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (9) Good night (4758) Bad night (1467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law. http://tfl.nu/o7ax
  Replies (7) Good night (3348) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER http://tfl.nu/tf88
  Replies (4) Good night (2344) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe http://tfl.nu/mori
  Replies (4) Good night (4114) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent. http://tfl.nu/4is5
  Replies (20) Good night (5100) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Someone played tic tac toe on my abs? http://tfl.nu/19a9
  Replies (9) Good night (4207) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave http://tfl.nu/wc16
  Replies (6) Good night (2966) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
  Replies (2) Good night (3386) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze http://tfl.nu/3a8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2524) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids http://tfl.nu/kt7c
  Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS. http://tfl.nu/a3c7
  Replies (28) Good night (2158) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  he fucked my hip out of place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): he fucked my hip out of place. http://tfl.nu/0lgh
  Replies (11) Good night (4908) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads http://tfl.nu/utdd
  Replies (8) Good night (728) Bad night (1781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers http://tfl.nu/269f
  Replies (6) Good night (3422) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober? http://tfl.nu/e9ou
  Replies (9) Good night (919) Bad night (2911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?" http://tfl.nu/agco
  Replies (10) Good night (639) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad http://tfl.nu/7gyh
  Replies (27) Good night (739) Bad night (6278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine. http://tfl.nu/16u8
  Replies (4) Good night (1695) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me. http://tfl.nu/jsip
  Replies (11) Good night (619) Bad night (2466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine. http://tfl.nu/envi
  Replies (24) Good night (1933) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night http://tfl.nu/2ujl
  Replies (2) Good night (1808) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (5786) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/fc4o
  Replies (9) Good night (5015) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend... http://tfl.nu/o37o
  Replies (15) Good night (5056) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence. http://tfl.nu/ugku
  Replies (6) Good night (2016) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary. http://tfl.nu/wb27
  Replies (8) Good night (1026) Bad night (3375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy
  Replies (11) Good night (3230) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it was like getting a handjob from robocop http://tfl.nu/4yuu
  Replies (15) Good night (703) Bad night (3793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
  Replies (3) Good night (3724) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick. http://tfl.nu/gzhw
  Replies (15) Good night (4338) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one. http://tfl.nu/p9u2
  Replies (5) Good night (927) Bad night (3671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma http://tfl.nu/d8kr
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (3008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf
  Replies (7) Good night (4611) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year? http://tfl.nu/w9x5
  Replies (6) Good night (3602) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward http://tfl.nu/3430
  Replies (11) Good night (3714) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'll bring the barf blanket just in case. http://tfl.nu/d0c2
  Replies (6) Good night (718) Bad night (2235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well now I have my semen on her headphones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Well now I have my semen on her headphones http://tfl.nu/hho2
  Replies (7) Good night (2124) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again. http://tfl.nu/z1x4
  Replies (8) Good night (596) Bad night (5101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?! http://tfl.nu/ikec
  Replies (8) Good night (2714) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this http://tfl.nu/m93u
  Replies (4) Good night (545) Bad night (3505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night. http://tfl.nu/7th0
  Replies (9) Good night (4235) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree. http://tfl.nu/5ajs
  Replies (4) Good night (2936) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12045) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (3885) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  My grandma had to be escorted out by police.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): My grandma had to be escorted out by police. http://tfl.nu/ipgw
  Replies (18) Good night (6580) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday http://tfl.nu/gbim
  Replies (8) Good night (4930) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day. http://tfl.nu/nryu
  Replies (6) Good night (2306) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk. http://tfl.nu/vlxs
  Replies (11) Good night (3626) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1041) Bad night (3800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED. http://tfl.nu/xnx5
  Replies (8) Good night (2833) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues. http://tfl.nu/ux3u
  Replies (19) Good night (8019) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in http://tfl.nu/b3qn
  Replies (15) Good night (6990) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8116) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I hate freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them. (205): I hate freshman. http://tfl.nu/44or
  Replies (23) Good night (1621) Bad night (5030)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5189) Bad night (1831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc
  Replies (17) Good night (5964) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait http://tfl.nu/idzg
  Replies (16) Good night (2633) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break... http://tfl.nu/y0v7
  Replies (22) Good night (3197) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  it's like heaven, but drunker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): it's like heaven, but drunker http://tfl.nu/yzff
  Replies (3) Good night (2660) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie. http://tfl.nu/3rqj
  Replies (5) Good night (3574) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree. http://tfl.nu/bwsc
  Replies (11) Good night (3920) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever. http://tfl.nu/ptta
  Replies (17) Good night (3918) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there.... http://tfl.nu/cfkl
  Replies (10) Good night (3481) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough. http://tfl.nu/fko8
  Replies (8) Good night (4745) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands http://tfl.nu/w6ka
  Replies (7) Good night (3121) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?" http://tfl.nu/0wwp
  Replies (19) Good night (6524) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later http://tfl.nu/1207
  Replies (4) Good night (3312) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6453) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10762) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10149) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (12455) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12893) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16476) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15547) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34730) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44049) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps. http://tfl.nu/bl0l
  Replies (24) Good night (572) Bad night (5342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again. http://tfl.nu/nxev
  Replies (16) Good night (551) Bad night (5468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14
  Replies (26) Good night (2760) Bad night (5959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself. http://tfl.nu/hfdh
  Replies (12) Good night (680) Bad night (6827)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes. http://tfl.nu/8kb3
  Replies (22) Good night (594) Bad night (8384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season http://tfl.nu/ewwq
  Replies (37) Good night (1376) Bad night (8926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0g8l
  Replies (45) Good night (729) Bad night (9266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina http://tfl.nu/hz6e
  Replies (28) Good night (768) Bad night (9179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1369) Bad night (9540)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1122) Bad night (13060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (57) Good night (1204) Bad night (13911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (149) Good night (4959) Bad night (55676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (127) Good night (6876) Bad night (59114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (98) Good night (3102) Bad night (64623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7240) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again http://tfl.nu/8319
  Replies (22) Good night (2049) Bad night (4786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6421) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn http://tfl.nu/ufam
  Replies (25) Good night (4194) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4668) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (5928) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This show inspires me to have sex in space

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This show inspires me to have sex in space http://tfl.nu/vmc9
  Replies (24) Good night (3935) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq
  Replies (7) Good night (3241) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
  Replies (9) Good night (4789) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13381) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat? http://tfl.nu/7wij
  Replies (12) Good night (5380) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (40) Good night (15942) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada. http://tfl.nu/0b9c
  Replies (22) Good night (5788) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time.. http://tfl.nu/k00f
  Replies (8) Good night (5426) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting http://tfl.nu/6shn
  Replies (11) Good night (3957) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (8777) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do. http://tfl.nu/fu0w
  Replies (21) Good night (6854) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face http://tfl.nu/rg2e
  Replies (29) Good night (3067) Bad night (4874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy. http://tfl.nu/zkq5
  Replies (23) Good night (1918) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town. http://tfl.nu/0gi3
  Replies (17) Good night (3919) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn. http://tfl.nu/voym
  Replies (43) Good night (9888) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay. http://tfl.nu/nx25
  Replies (35) Good night (5926) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going http://tfl.nu/w65t
  Replies (9) Good night (3854) Bad night (1572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj
  Replies (21) Good night (4814) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z
  Replies (19) Good night (3515) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool. http://tfl.nu/d5dr
  Replies (45) Good night (10349) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7256) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (53) Good night (1229) Bad night (14772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (28) Good night (9194) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand http://tfl.nu/hzsn
  Replies (8) Good night (4333) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8033) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to? http://tfl.nu/cdfm
  Replies (11) Good night (910) Bad night (4240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this http://tfl.nu/291a
  Replies (27) Good night (768) Bad night (7837)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6996) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits. http://tfl.nu/cebt
  Replies (18) Good night (805) Bad night (5568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

  (917): View more from New York City

  You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd
  Replies (15) Good night (5517) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (12) Good night (4563) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w
  Replies (25) Good night (1072) Bad night (4672)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine http://tfl.nu/b6e8
  Replies (6) Good night (2042) Bad night (2962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8904) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): She saved the condom from the first time we did it. http://tfl.nu/b22a
  Replies (86) Good night (1488) Bad night (25113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You kept referring to your penis as "this guy." http://tfl.nu/osjv
  Replies (17) Good night (4820) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (24) Good night (8864) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin. http://tfl.nu/d7w8
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7697) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror http://tfl.nu/xej5
  Replies (17) Good night (4756) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is. http://tfl.nu/2rnr
  Replies (11) Good night (1229) Bad night (4433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11259) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20
  Replies (22) Good night (3849) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw. http://tfl.nu/cwfe
  Replies (4) Good night (2454) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left. http://tfl.nu/2zbc
  Replies (1) Good night (4858) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3395) Bad night (5213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma
  Replies (14) Good night (5773) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...

  (863): View more from Florida

  Can I come live with you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC... (863): Can I come live with you? http://tfl.nu/y56x
  Replies (21) Good night (5265) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4067) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6001) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/zm3w
  Replies (24) Good night (8044) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos? http://tfl.nu/p64w
  Replies (39) Good night (1621) Bad night (6821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain' http://tfl.nu/2rma
  Replies (28) Good night (1378) Bad night (7341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder. http://tfl.nu/vt5f
  Replies (11) Good night (3506) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet" http://tfl.nu/xuid
  Replies (13) Good night (3988) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (981) Bad night (6328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed? http://tfl.nu/sqdz
  Replies (27) Good night (909) Bad night (5705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10286) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/i7wi
  Replies (19) Good night (3575) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together. http://tfl.nu/95cx
  Replies (17) Good night (4707) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's shedding

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  I told you penises don't tan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9
  Replies (43) Good night (1064) Bad night (9744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People" http://tfl.nu/6fy6
  Replies (23) Good night (3286) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal. http://tfl.nu/7hy6
  Replies (45) Good night (4558) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody snuck up and got me drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): somebody snuck up and got me drunk http://tfl.nu/xe32
  Replies (4) Good night (1301) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK http://tfl.nu/f4xz
  Replies (6) Good night (3490) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived http://tfl.nu/2pbp
  Replies (18) Good night (578) Bad night (7051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (11976) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah! http://tfl.nu/c18w
  Replies (10) Good night (3159) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating. http://tfl.nu/eva0
  Replies (58) Good night (4238) Bad night (1863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty? http://tfl.nu/lq5o
  Replies (42) Good night (947) Bad night (2309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool http://tfl.nu/o66k
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out. http://tfl.nu/6suh
  Replies (165) Good night (1601) Bad night (19785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0
  Replies (39) Good night (775) Bad night (10800)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3184) Bad night (11804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list http://tfl.nu/ucvs
  Replies (40) Good night (1206) Bad night (13363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1688) Bad night (14820)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina. http://tfl.nu/qg49
  Replies (28) Good night (755) Bad night (19491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (255) Good night (1678) Bad night (38570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (3997) Bad night (52306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (134) Good night (6485) Bad night (53644)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82971) Bad night (6405)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (202) Good night (112762) Bad night (2648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics http://tfl.nu/i199
  Replies (14) Good night (6097) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (2792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4163) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5
  Replies (6) Good night (4224) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have. http://tfl.nu/ny5u
  Replies (20) Good night (3559) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard. http://tfl.nu/5chf
  Replies (36) Good night (5713) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now. http://tfl.nu/y7cf
  Replies (35) Good night (3824) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5343) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents. http://tfl.nu/ynsx
  Replies (13) Good night (676) Bad night (4928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky http://tfl.nu/igrt
  Replies (26) Good night (4084) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1626) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont. http://tfl.nu/ey1g
  Replies (14) Good night (602) Bad night (3202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq
  Replies (22) Good night (6273) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea http://tfl.nu/q0e7
  Replies (21) Good night (743) Bad night (4387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now. http://tfl.nu/lhag
  Replies (41) Good night (1106) Bad night (5678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7108) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman http://tfl.nu/zmqz
  Replies (22) Good night (3992) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/utqj
  Replies (35) Good night (7672) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library. http://tfl.nu/ghke
  Replies (33) Good night (6563) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me... http://tfl.nu/wuq4
  Replies (12) Good night (2047) Bad night (3750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4562) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (268) Good night (3335) Bad night (66315)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5431) Bad night (77627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (767) Good night (6467) Bad night (106515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear. http://tfl.nu/lmzy
  Replies (9) Good night (4529) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): And whoever invented the condom should be put to death. http://tfl.nu/pkgn
  Replies (81) Good night (992) Bad night (9736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/k011
  Replies (34) Good night (7275) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19565) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8323) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity http://tfl.nu/85sl
  Replies (9) Good night (3622) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza http://tfl.nu/44q3
  Replies (24) Good night (6200) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6577) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (22) Good night (6977) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut? (1-502): eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material. http://tfl.nu/j1ps
  Replies (19) Good night (4691) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11094) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  splinters make it hard to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): splinters make it hard to masturbate http://tfl.nu/uhm3
  Replies (20) Good night (629) Bad night (6483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6136) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (28) Good night (4733) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1089) Bad night (13952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way http://tfl.nu/nq2f
  Replies (26) Good night (5382) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7783) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5232) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants http://tfl.nu/xfxv
  Replies (46) Good night (12710) Bad night (1770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11780) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (24) Good night (10064) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7277) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex. http://tfl.nu/07s4
  Replies (9) Good night (3299) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7407) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing" http://tfl.nu/jpe9
  Replies (6) Good night (950) Bad night (3308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot. (334): i do. http://tfl.nu/nohm
  Replies (14) Good night (5095) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night http://tfl.nu/kb2l
  Replies (5) Good night (3911) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (2998) Bad night (5562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (15) Good night (6825) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5601) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time. http://tfl.nu/fvgl
  Replies (13) Good night (6023) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place. http://tfl.nu/vbxd
  Replies (18) Good night (5606) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/e3vv
  Replies (9) Good night (3843) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors. http://tfl.nu/2asp
  Replies (32) Good night (3079) Bad night (863)