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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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