Texts From Last Night

340Challenger's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it. http://tfl.nu/gxrr
  Replies (1) Good night (333) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6577) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6662) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors http://tfl.nu/k8g7
  Replies (8) Good night (5195) Bad night (1615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (5582) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9259) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something. http://tfl.nu/b077
  Replies (14) Good night (4215) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night. http://tfl.nu/pbft
  Replies (12) Good night (752) Bad night (7562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  We are no longer friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands. (1-613): We are no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/wlk1
  Replies (28) Good night (702) Bad night (3401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (3982) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3431) Bad night (7894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this? http://tfl.nu/g5cp
  Replies (9) Good night (2768) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh
  Replies (18) Good night (3546) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn http://tfl.nu/nlq4
  Replies (5) Good night (2339) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs http://tfl.nu/k6rx
  Replies (7) Good night (2684) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo http://tfl.nu/x92b
  Replies (2) Good night (1031) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (66) Good night (26403) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8158) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in? http://tfl.nu/nu3d
  Replies (11) Good night (645) Bad night (2366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts http://tfl.nu/ju9y
  Replies (28) Good night (5009) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo. http://tfl.nu/ouwj
  Replies (24) Good night (3576) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!" http://tfl.nu/p213
  Replies (23) Good night (1089) Bad night (7317)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now? http://tfl.nu/9ud5
  Replies (57) Good night (2414) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (842): View more from

  we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (842): we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone http://tfl.nu/yvho
  Replies (10) Good night (1987) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (24) Good night (7964) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
  Replies (23) Good night (13343) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking. http://tfl.nu/t4jf
  Replies (11) Good night (4484) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8978) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess I misjudged your gender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity. (978): I guess I misjudged your gender. http://tfl.nu/83hj
  Replies (4) Good night (376) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4173) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5654) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52063) Bad night (5860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch? http://tfl.nu/y5pd
  Replies (17) Good night (9731) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (6655) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful. http://tfl.nu/xfy4
  Replies (9) Good night (1718) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (20215) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (1665) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home. http://tfl.nu/jfgz
  Replies (10) Good night (2990) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat. http://tfl.nu/b9yx
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how do you have sooo much energy?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq
  Replies (16) Good night (4154) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again. http://tfl.nu/1pik
  Replies (17) Good night (514) Bad night (4065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (7) Good night (2472) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4172) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College" http://tfl.nu/x9bo
  Replies (13) Good night (3547) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (15) Good night (5995) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
  Replies (11) Good night (2139) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (564) Bad night (2303)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15042) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You might end up in the wrong class.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class? (919): You might end up in the wrong class. (910): I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class. http://tfl.nu/dnad
  Replies (8) Good night (1528) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town http://tfl.nu/phfq
  Replies (20) Good night (5297) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent." http://tfl.nu/u4zv
  Replies (6) Good night (1407) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom. (702): Bro... we didn't even hang out last night?? http://tfl.nu/2ylu
  Replies (10) Good night (1762) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again http://tfl.nu/3f6n
  Replies (10) Good night (5328) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently. http://tfl.nu/85of
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (6857) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms http://tfl.nu/3nr0
  Replies (14) Good night (1408) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is http://tfl.nu/5aqp
  Replies (5) Good night (2632) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired. http://tfl.nu/t1fn
  Replies (9) Good night (2884) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (7577) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

  (415): View more from California

  be there in 3 mins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins http://tfl.nu/00q0
  Replies (26) Good night (3176) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card. http://tfl.nu/h3qh
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so horny

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh
  Replies (12) Good night (5418) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you. http://tfl.nu/kryn
  Replies (5) Good night (2222) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I intend to get homeless drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I intend to get homeless drunk http://tfl.nu/9yk9
  Replies (20) Good night (4720) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker. http://tfl.nu/udye
  Replies (2) Good night (1007) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast. http://tfl.nu/xva7
  Replies (5) Good night (1965) Bad night (207)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. http://tfl.nu/8nmk
  Replies (35) Good night (765) Bad night (9804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (747) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9315) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar. http://tfl.nu/8pyq
  Replies (13) Good night (4779) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment. http://tfl.nu/5sgm
  Replies (2) Good night (1252) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left http://tfl.nu/jhm7
  Replies (4) Good night (758) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name. http://tfl.nu/h5ua
  Replies (7) Good night (427) Bad night (2318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9
  Replies (42) Good night (5602) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8
  Replies (23) Good night (1755) Bad night (6351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him. http://tfl.nu/wjhp
  Replies (16) Good night (5223) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6324) Bad night (2124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook http://tfl.nu/tp82
  Replies (24) Good night (1638) Bad night (9800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x
  Replies (13) Good night (2846) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat

  (614): View more from Ohio

  repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat (614): repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES http://tfl.nu/9vr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1525) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past. (616): I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures? http://tfl.nu/o51k
  Replies (4) Good night (2512) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (7917) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti http://tfl.nu/zbwe
  Replies (36) Good night (22111) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8096) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  one word: firstdatebathroomanal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): one word: firstdatebathroomanal http://tfl.nu/h4q1
  Replies (24) Good night (4453) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23
  Replies (43) Good night (973) Bad night (27067)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (1554) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry http://tfl.nu/1p4e
  Replies (6) Good night (2168) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight http://tfl.nu/30xi
  Replies (16) Good night (4098) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said" http://tfl.nu/5y3k
  Replies (39) Good night (2378) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is http://tfl.nu/8llu
  Replies (5) Good night (497) Bad night (3006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading. http://tfl.nu/kxg6
  Replies (10) Good night (2232) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison. http://tfl.nu/qs9j
  Replies (22) Good night (1198) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex. http://tfl.nu/eztj
  Replies (8) Good night (1574) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism. http://tfl.nu/ra36
  Replies (12) Good night (1196) Bad night (2571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat http://tfl.nu/x2jk
  Replies (30) Good night (5568) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1
  Replies (52) Good night (4213) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships? http://tfl.nu/h1g6
  Replies (148) Good night (1247) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5714) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/b4ti
  Replies (31) Good night (1197) Bad night (5765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (64) Good night (10494) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see http://tfl.nu/4pqk
  Replies (25) Good night (384) Bad night (2323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z
  Replies (14) Good night (2275) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f
  Replies (9) Good night (6030) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars http://tfl.nu/sm85
  Replies (11) Good night (1192) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas http://tfl.nu/bksv
  Replies (42) Good night (4394) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds http://tfl.nu/u8pq
  Replies (36) Good night (5986) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (791) Bad night (5322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob (203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho http://tfl.nu/1l75
  Replies (37) Good night (7218) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1217) Bad night (9109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1757) Bad night (7983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (28) Good night (20813) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place. http://tfl.nu/aqji
  Replies (9) Good night (4979) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t
  Replies (75) Good night (9558) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I want to have your abortion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I want to have your abortion http://tfl.nu/1oyo
  Replies (29) Good night (554) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (8) Good night (4333) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1098) Bad night (4962)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (15298) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3410) Bad night (2372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (1837) Bad night (2777)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47504) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? http://tfl.nu/yufj
  Replies (23) Good night (2052) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us. http://tfl.nu/uz8z
  Replies (10) Good night (2722) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc
  Replies (5) Good night (1983) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (11) Good night (5835) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat. http://tfl.nu/4sne
  Replies (8) Good night (483) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (6910) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you. http://tfl.nu/3bx1
  Replies (13) Good night (591) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (743) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you http://tfl.nu/qjob
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (3468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day

  (619): View more from California

  ahah at least you got away with it

  (714): View more from California

  nope...my gran was the one who informed me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day (619): ahah at least you got away with it (714): nope...my gran was the one who informed me http://tfl.nu/wy9x
  Replies (10) Good night (831) Bad night (2322)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48986) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes http://tfl.nu/mnz7
  Replies (10) Good night (1077) Bad night (2451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010 http://tfl.nu/e381
  Replies (11) Good night (4356) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move. http://tfl.nu/cgsd
  Replies (22) Good night (604) Bad night (4073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem http://tfl.nu/c9xv
  Replies (14) Good night (576) Bad night (2389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107940) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy. http://tfl.nu/wtyc
  Replies (12) Good night (2745) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite. http://tfl.nu/gcjl
  Replies (7) Good night (2949) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand. (1-586): What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive? http://tfl.nu/qfk1
  Replies (3) Good night (520) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class (1-203): why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday. http://tfl.nu/0z2t
  Replies (3) Good night (3254) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was http://tfl.nu/zwm2
  Replies (51) Good night (813) Bad night (8618)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt
  Replies (110) Good night (14164) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening. (317): And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt http://tfl.nu/9n2q
  Replies (13) Good night (1761) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes (1-407): i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/3nr6
  Replies (21) Good night (3766) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came. http://tfl.nu/sa7y
  Replies (29) Good night (6800) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'." http://tfl.nu/z1xk
  Replies (21) Good night (5786) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace http://tfl.nu/lenw
  Replies (11) Good night (555) Bad night (1608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome http://tfl.nu/3oqn
  Replies (14) Good night (1056) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (1492) Bad night (5883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny http://tfl.nu/vl4i
  Replies (15) Good night (3826) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): 70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up. http://tfl.nu/l18e
  Replies (13) Good night (359) Bad night (4229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people http://tfl.nu/4rzl
  Replies (8) Good night (1507) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/0l6b
  Replies (7) Good night (1606) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it. http://tfl.nu/91c2
  Replies (23) Good night (6877) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had. http://tfl.nu/ag2c
  Replies (96) Good night (1708) Bad night (21872)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (4634) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal. http://tfl.nu/so63
  Replies (20) Good night (6245) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy
  Replies (10) Good night (1942) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l
  Replies (9) Good night (2010) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo http://tfl.nu/4j6u
  Replies (22) Good night (7822) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?

  (+48): View more from Poland

  Poland

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you? (+48): Poland http://tfl.nu/96rz
  Replies (10) Good night (3697) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today". http://tfl.nu/w2r4
  Replies (111) Good night (878) Bad night (12962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans. http://tfl.nu/11hu
  Replies (14) Good night (5742) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk. http://tfl.nu/rohk
  Replies (9) Good night (2361) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56
  Replies (29) Good night (6388) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5251) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke. http://tfl.nu/lmdn
  Replies (8) Good night (1049) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard (1-417): Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming. http://tfl.nu/52u7
  Replies (2) Good night (834) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Now it's a party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face. (1-270): Now it's a party. http://tfl.nu/6390
  Replies (8) Good night (924) Bad night (2116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth http://tfl.nu/i6ri
  Replies (8) Good night (369) Bad night (3430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/95qw
  Replies (50) Good night (579) Bad night (2861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  You shut your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy (1-313): You shut your mouth http://tfl.nu/xp5b
  Replies (34) Good night (1140) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you. http://tfl.nu/cw12
  Replies (26) Good night (5046) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5752) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend (1-775): I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman http://tfl.nu/d80q
  Replies (10) Good night (2119) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6016) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43642) Bad night (2950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off. http://tfl.nu/pihu
  Replies (16) Good night (7395) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (38) Good night (11399) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp
  Replies (138) Good night (799) Bad night (12218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5433) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2523) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  ew wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed. (763): ew wtf http://tfl.nu/st4c
  Replies (83) Good night (1163) Bad night (7989)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv. http://tfl.nu/d9vr
  Replies (60) Good night (1874) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive. http://tfl.nu/xg7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2355) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (6585) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
  Replies (20) Good night (6192) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk
  Replies (13) Good night (5334) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): 2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win? http://tfl.nu/n991
  Replies (33) Good night (4724) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (915) Bad night (12848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5094) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40
  Replies (11) Good night (355) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night. (703): The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie. http://tfl.nu/hgcg
  Replies (26) Good night (775) Bad night (2292)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (10) Good night (5910) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (40) Good night (15939) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46
  Replies (12) Good night (4730) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early. http://tfl.nu/9qa8
  Replies (5) Good night (1605) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k
  Replies (13) Good night (857) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7244) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3049) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...

  (703): View more from Virginia

  oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine... (703): oh http://tfl.nu/2rig
  Replies (10) Good night (533) Bad night (2859)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1688) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap. (574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work. http://tfl.nu/2spl
  Replies (10) Good night (440) Bad night (3441)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me (617): What? You're not speaking real words. http://tfl.nu/o2go
  Replies (30) Good night (688) Bad night (2384)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (904) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house

  (713): View more from Texas

  So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house (713): So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh? http://tfl.nu/xori
  Replies (15) Good night (3437) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety http://tfl.nu/edsh
  Replies (10) Good night (2930) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more. http://tfl.nu/8xes
  Replies (3) Good night (1868) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours. http://tfl.nu/zm6d
  Replies (17) Good night (4393) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back. http://tfl.nu/sbtj
  Replies (7) Good night (459) Bad night (5079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported. http://tfl.nu/ojxl
  Replies (15) Good night (3573) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant http://tfl.nu/up0m
  Replies (54) Good night (4707) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!" http://tfl.nu/2ify
  Replies (16) Good night (6915) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  This is not my ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): This is not my ceiling http://tfl.nu/p46e
  Replies (11) Good night (1315) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
  Replies (7) Good night (5502) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9441) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier. (260): Sorry- wrong number! :) http://tfl.nu/1604
  Replies (18) Good night (1206) Bad night (4628)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5192) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties http://tfl.nu/y66a
  Replies (16) Good night (752) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7 http://tfl.nu/lyiq
  Replies (3) Good night (2307) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8358) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/pltj
  Replies (17) Good night (3738) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly http://tfl.nu/4li6
  Replies (15) Good night (3539) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (6927) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16025) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it. http://tfl.nu/vp9s
  Replies (19) Good night (5639) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message http://tfl.nu/pqsm
  Replies (9) Good night (5283) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling http://tfl.nu/ijkr
  Replies (21) Good night (652) Bad night (5752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail. http://tfl.nu/wcht
  Replies (4) Good night (1623) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1418) Bad night (3695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude. Do it.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out. (770): Dude. Do it. (678): Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober? http://tfl.nu/58ew
  Replies (15) Good night (3935) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I think I sprained my soul last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I think I sprained my soul last night http://tfl.nu/779v
  Replies (11) Good night (1998) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Where are you?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Jimmy John's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There are so many Jimmy John's employees here (1-512): Where are you? (512): Jimmy John's. http://tfl.nu/2l3c
  Replies (10) Good night (5197) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down? http://tfl.nu/j8kx
  Replies (5) Good night (1805) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world. http://tfl.nu/8eb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2483) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin... http://tfl.nu/5fas
  Replies (29) Good night (2596) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Are we hungover?

  (713): View more from Texas

  I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Are we hungover? (713): I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it. http://tfl.nu/8xx2
  Replies (5) Good night (1718) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  followup question: what if both somones were me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/? (610): followup question: what if both somones were me? http://tfl.nu/emdv
  Replies (18) Good night (569) Bad night (4495)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah, i think she was German or something.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Yeah, i think she was German or something. (1-405): No dude, she's just got a speech impediment. http://tfl.nu/y6oj
  Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her. http://tfl.nu/gotu
  Replies (58) Good night (3612) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver. http://tfl.nu/8bap
  Replies (11) Good night (1223) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, just got a bummer.

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  What??

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  A blow job from a homeless chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Dude, just got a bummer. (1-502): What?? (502): A blow job from a homeless chick. http://tfl.nu/uf37
  Replies (27) Good night (612) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (982) Bad night (3292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers. http://tfl.nu/9jml
  Replies (5) Good night (3605) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious http://tfl.nu/2wct
  Replies (37) Good night (4687) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc http://tfl.nu/bhl3
  Replies (31) Good night (1352) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses http://tfl.nu/zlmy
  Replies (8) Good night (1325) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel
  Replies (131) Good night (875) Bad night (29009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (4828) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2498) Bad night (11913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities http://tfl.nu/6vqv
  Replies (9) Good night (1354) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15966) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (12897) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave. http://tfl.nu/thh8
  Replies (2) Good night (335) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana. http://tfl.nu/xlmv
  Replies (48) Good night (852) Bad night (2201)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal http://tfl.nu/6ttq
  Replies (10) Good night (3349) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Challenge accepted. See you in hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month. (662): Challenge accepted. See you in hell. http://tfl.nu/tj98
  Replies (27) Good night (6394) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (17803) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone? (810): shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you http://tfl.nu/u0b0
  Replies (13) Good night (1981) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  not while she was awake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl? (1-312): not while she was awake http://tfl.nu/qknf
  Replies (15) Good night (2375) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (86) Good night (15269) Bad night (2446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign. http://tfl.nu/2tl8
  Replies (15) Good night (2245) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0bv4
  Replies (53) Good night (6605) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  idk but i think it had a face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night? (1-212): idk but i think it had a face http://tfl.nu/y33v
  Replies (15) Good night (480) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5
  Replies (7) Good night (765) Bad night (2435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation. http://tfl.nu/alpd
  Replies (23) Good night (810) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7261) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5022) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon http://tfl.nu/qfy4
  Replies (21) Good night (318) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY http://tfl.nu/3vks
  Replies (4) Good night (1620) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16836) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday. http://tfl.nu/f71h
  Replies (19) Good night (4504) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine. http://tfl.nu/pias
  Replies (11) Good night (4486) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and the officer said have you been drinking

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and i said NOO SIR.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and he said, I am a woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
  Replies (19) Good night (1603) Bad night (6534)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): yah i'm on my way- is everything ok? (1-330) i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok http://tfl.nu/s4ag
  Replies (35) Good night (797) Bad night (6948)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me? http://tfl.nu/6q93
  Replies (7) Good night (1073) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (11870) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer http://tfl.nu/8v2s
  Replies (14) Good night (1386) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3097) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (2777) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat (1-503): Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby. http://tfl.nu/xtdn
  Replies (68) Good night (3790) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4006) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u
  Replies (12) Good night (2358) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is? http://tfl.nu/537k
  Replies (13) Good night (3195) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Haha how much did you smoke

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  4 feet of smokeee!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another? (609): Haha how much did you smoke (570): 4 feet of smokeee! http://tfl.nu/eyp0
  Replies (20) Good night (3168) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6471) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea. http://tfl.nu/vo0h
  Replies (12) Good night (1713) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something http://tfl.nu/p4oj
  Replies (31) Good night (660) Bad night (7019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was. http://tfl.nu/3v3c
  Replies (17) Good night (1186) Bad night (3321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (7922) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  could be more

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  absolutely not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw (1-612): strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing (612): could be more (1-612): absolutely not http://tfl.nu/n6ii
  Replies (19) Good night (538) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash? http://tfl.nu/uuv0
  Replies (8) Good night (2142) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly http://tfl.nu/pft1
  Replies (9) Good night (2750) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent. http://tfl.nu/ihl8
  Replies (3) Good night (1355) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1150) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
  Replies (43) Good night (19802) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5277) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/89g2
  Replies (6) Good night (1593) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): 1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you http://tfl.nu/har0
  Replies (34) Good night (6830) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I murdered the dance floor call the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops http://tfl.nu/jwsp
  Replies (14) Good night (1888) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (3663) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green. http://tfl.nu/e68o
  Replies (13) Good night (3773) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  True? Did she teach you things?

  (518): View more from New York

  She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night. (1-518): True? Did she teach you things? (518): She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am. http://tfl.nu/r18t
  Replies (13) Good night (2546) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Why?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0
  Replies (12) Good night (2920) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/pnw4
  Replies (9) Good night (1745) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter! http://tfl.nu/tgxr
  Replies (48) Good night (5225) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail. http://tfl.nu/7j5r
  Replies (8) Good night (586) Bad night (2188)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life? http://tfl.nu/8qm6
  Replies (37) Good night (4665) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me. (248): who is this? http://tfl.nu/n5nl
  Replies (4) Good night (613) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I can't see you

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers (847): I can't see you (847): I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche http://tfl.nu/kp05
  Replies (4) Good night (2293) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?" http://tfl.nu/acel
  Replies (7) Good night (2374) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What time did you start drinking?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe isn't a time...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5
  Replies (14) Good night (5428) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!

  (940): View more from Texas

  HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!! (940): HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT. http://tfl.nu/347l
  Replies (8) Good night (1751) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab. http://tfl.nu/cfiv
  Replies (6) Good night (1715) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew. http://tfl.nu/8r8n
  Replies (30) Good night (3281) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb. http://tfl.nu/3y7t
  Replies (3) Good night (1429) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand.. http://tfl.nu/3e9c
  Replies (28) Good night (897) Bad night (5573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here. http://tfl.nu/wy8z
  Replies (10) Good night (3355) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): 'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?" http://tfl.nu/d6iq
  Replies (6) Good night (1717) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (3716) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends. http://tfl.nu/ovl3
  Replies (12) Good night (3336) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/ol7y
  Replies (11) Good night (2040) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone. http://tfl.nu/b8gy
  Replies (8) Good night (2155) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show http://tfl.nu/tn7s
  Replies (6) Good night (1589) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat. http://tfl.nu/zl1y
  Replies (6) Good night (1998) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (332) Bad night (1617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it. http://tfl.nu/t2hy
  Replies (11) Good night (1582) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk
  Replies (34) Good night (1750) Bad night (4313)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6375) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20427) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson. http://tfl.nu/gvkr
  Replies (13) Good night (2960) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11608) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2358) Bad night (6151)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

  (850): View more from Florida

  This has already gotten way out of hand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/4kdw
  Replies (11) Good night (529) Bad night (2596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3181) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  never. drinking. again.

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  lets not get ahead of ourselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): never. drinking. again. (1-705): lets not get ahead of ourselves. http://tfl.nu/le2c
  Replies (36) Good night (4886) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (5771) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7609) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5305) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2. http://tfl.nu/9o14
  Replies (140) Good night (577) Bad night (5585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3135) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?" http://tfl.nu/24qc
  Replies (8) Good night (4575) Bad night (1722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1
  Replies (58) Good night (3198) Bad night (7357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand. http://tfl.nu/f9hd
  Replies (8) Good night (407) Bad night (3112)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes http://tfl.nu/1teg
  Replies (8) Good night (3960) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4269) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI. http://tfl.nu/3vpl
  Replies (42) Good night (669) Bad night (7032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq
  Replies (36) Good night (948) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8. http://tfl.nu/qal7
  Replies (13) Good night (4142) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food. http://tfl.nu/05sf
  Replies (20) Good night (3293) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (2822) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6
  Replies (14) Good night (940) Bad night (3078)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in http://tfl.nu/o0j8
  Replies (5) Good night (1522) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/bv2v
  Replies (10) Good night (4102) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Road construction signs are deceptively heavy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Road construction signs are deceptively heavy http://tfl.nu/a969
  Replies (5) Good night (2194) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (1789) Bad night (4847)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (177) Good night (34626) Bad night (4466)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries... http://tfl.nu/iebn
  Replies (11) Good night (1637) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow" http://tfl.nu/vtnd
  Replies (7) Good night (2694) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can http://tfl.nu/prvy
  Replies (6) Good night (651) Bad night (4792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving. http://tfl.nu/rym8
  Replies (6) Good night (2855) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yjug
  Replies (8) Good night (1577) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt