Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad