We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.