Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.