I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay