'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.