Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?