I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".