That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.