We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.