I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"