As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"