She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you