Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?