Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.