Texts From Last Night

Texts from June, 2012

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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  (505): I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened http://tfl.nu/wwzi
  Replies (9) Good night (449) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.

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  (506): I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside. http://tfl.nu/nmit
  Replies (2) Good night (362) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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  (561): I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers. http://tfl.nu/3qln
  Replies (7) Good night (1351) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH

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  (781): I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH http://tfl.nu/y9eb
  Replies (8) Good night (1214) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.

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  (832): He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass. http://tfl.nu/my94
  Replies (14) Good night (486) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.

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  (850): I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night. http://tfl.nu/511n
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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  (512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii
  Replies (9) Good night (889) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

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  (412): I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture http://tfl.nu/mhk1
  Replies (13) Good night (1399) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.

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  (805): No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard. http://tfl.nu/br69
  Replies (5) Good night (2092) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.

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  (760): I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/aeiu
  Replies (3) Good night (1189) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.

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  (860): So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled. http://tfl.nu/ouz2
  Replies (6) Good night (1785) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect

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  (760): It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect http://tfl.nu/8hkz
  Replies (1) Good night (836) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club

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  (818): My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club http://tfl.nu/p6gc
  Replies (13) Good night (972) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...

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  (215): five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ... http://tfl.nu/nz34
  Replies (5) Good night (1113) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.

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  (740): When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits. http://tfl.nu/xvhm
  Replies (10) Good night (431) Bad night (2346)