I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane