Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me