She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.