He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back