Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.