Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.