So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?