I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........