thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.