well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave