so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i will never coherently bang her
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.