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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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