Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.