I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.